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“Why are we drinking Zima? It’s beyond irony. It’s not funny or anything. It’s just gross. Why not just serve us jugs of Hitler’s piss instead?”
“Drinking Zima is something Douglas Coupland would make a character do.”
“To what end?”
“It’d be a device that would allow him to locate the characters in time and a specific sort of culture.”

 

Douglas Coupland

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So I was drinking tequila, and I was drinking grappa, which is Italian for gasoline, and I was drinking Jägermeister, which I believe is the liquid equivalent of Wonder Woman's golden lasso, because it will make you tell anybody the truth for no reason whatsoever. "You have really bad skin. Thanks for the drink."

 

Margaret Cho

 

Dad was just an emotional wreck. He was drinking a lot of the time; he was smoking a lot of pot. And because he takes certain medications, the drinking were making him... you know, he wasn't even present, really.

 

Jack Osbourne

 

I'm drinking Jack and I started blackin out. You ever black out? Or as I call it, time travel? You ever do that? Oh yeah! You know how it is -- you're drinking, you black out. You wake up, you're in another bar. You're drinking, you black out. You wake up, you're playing that knife game with a half-Indian somewhere in North Dakota, "Yeah! Yeah! Winner fixes the tranny! Yeah". You're drinking, you black out. You wake up, you're in White Castle -- working there 3 years, STILL not assistant manager. Your buddies tell you to quit, but you can't 'cause you're banging the slow girl on the fry-o-later. They say she's a little retarded, but those titties ain't retarded!

 

Dave Attell

 

I finally stopped drinking when I hit seventeen years old. Yes, imagine the f**kup I must have been. Stopped drinking because it isn't really good for your health.…and I fell into a bonfire! Yeah, you're done drinking then. You don't need AA. Falling into a bonfire is a one-step program.

 

Christopher Titus

 

Irony, forsooth! Guard yourself, Engineer, from the sort of irony that thrives up here; guard yourself altogether from taking on their mental attitude! Where irony is not a direct and classic device of oratory, not for a moment equivocal to a healthy mind, it makes for depravity, it becomes a drawback to civilization, an unclean traffic with the forces of reaction, vice and materialism.

 

Thomas Mann