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I've heard on the news that they are thinking of putting microchips inside babies so that if they ever get kidnapped that you can track them on Google. But what if technology fails? Well here is my solution: next to the microchip, put a f**king detonator. Listen, if I can't have my baby, nobody can!!!

 

Dane Cook

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Lots of my friends have babies, but I don't have any babies. But I have lots of friends; babies don't have any friends. They all have those baby-monitors so they can hear the baby from the other room, which I consider a form of wiretapping. One day there's gonna be a really smart baby who makes a fake recording of some fake baby noises...gonna crawl out of the window and go to Italy. I need one of those baby-monitors for my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about. Sometimes I talk to myself fluently in languages I'm unfamiliar with... just to screw with my subconscious. It's a good thing a lot of people speak foreign languages, otherwise those people would have no one to talk to.

 

Steven Wright

 

"New World Order, coming to a city near you. They are starting next month in South America, putting microchips in people. That's the plan. America is slated for this fall. Put microchips in the palm of the right hand."

 

Kent Hovind

 

Is there anything more powerful than Google? And our government is in bed with them, as we will show you tomorrow, in unbelievable ways. Unbelievable ways. We have, um, and have had for a while, people inside of Google who have alerted this program to things. There are people inside of Google who are terrified of some of the things that Google is doing and is involved in.

 

Glenn Beck

 

Scrub blood off the AF1 fifty two pick up first degree some toddler's smuggled tommy guns and crack into the nurseries dogg, there's a f**king baby at the door asking for wallets and those ain't twin beanie babies inside his pockets 2010 sonograms show the magnum's worn directly out the fetus evolution for the young killer convenience.

 

Aesop Rock