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You get nothing for a pair... [the audience would then shout "Not in this game"]

 

Bruce Forsyth

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You don't get anything for a pair... [the audience then shouts, "Not in this game!"]

 

Bruce Forsyth

 

I'd like to start off this show by asking you all a question, cause I don't know the answer. Does anyone know why a pair of sunglasses cost more than a big screen television? Does anybody know? I went to the Sunglass Hut to buy a new pair of sunglasses after I lost my pair. And I see a pair that I like. I don't love them, I like them. $309. So I asked the salesman, very politely, I said, "How do you sleep at night, you f**kin' prick?" And I told him--this is true--that I bought a 25" color television at Wal-Mart for $218. And he says, "Well, apparently, sir, you don't get it." "...I'm listenin'." "These sunglasses block 100% of all UV rays." "No, apparently you don't get it; this thing decodes a digital signal it picks up from outer-f**king-space!" Then I found out the glasses got basic cable and I felt like a dickhead...

 

Ron White

 

HUH?
Did I say "more"? Re-read my e-mail, Einstein. I said the game "helped cause the death." Where is the word "MORE" in my email? Can you gamers read carefully, or not?
The game was part of the causal mix. You guys never think anything bad could possibly come from a game. That is a bizarre blindspot in all of your thinking.
They were playing a game that makes that type of gunplay appear fun and consequence-free. If you can't figure out the causal relationship, then there's the proof your frontal lobes are fried by the games. Jack Thompson

 

Jack Thompson

 

I said: "Baseball is the hurrah game of the republic!" He was hilarious: "That's beautiful: the hurrah game! well — it's our game: that's the chief fact in connection with it: America's game: has the snap, go fling, of the American atmosphere — belongs as much to our institutions, fits into them as significantly, as our constitutions, laws: is just as important in the sum total of our historic life."

 

Walt Whitman

 

I was in Dayton, Ohio. You ever been there? Ya? You know what’s a fun thing to do there? Pack up and get the f**k outa there. It’s boring. During the day we played the game of horseshoes. That game must have been invented before fun, ‘cause it’s not. There’s only two ways for that game to end, either "This sucks let’s do something else," or "Owww, you hit me with the horseshoe."

 

Dave Attell