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I'm not good at the protocols of dating. [laughs] I'm not really experienced in that. My girlfriend is my second or third girlfriend. I think in the past none of us really knew when we were "dating"-we were just hanging out and doing things. I didn't go to high school so I missed the prom.
--
Jane magazine, April 2000

 

Beck

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(on not going to his high school prom) I wasn't aware of the prom. I had no idea that it was even going on, not that I would have gone. It's not the kind of thing that would ever occur to me. You would think I would have heard about it in school, but I didn't. (Curb Your Enthusiasm: The Book)

 

Larry David

 

I'm not married, I've never been married, I have no girlfriend, I want a girlfriend. I'm Aquarius, I'm average in bed, I'm a good footballer. I like food and I can move things with my mind.

 

Robbie Williams

 

[talking about a Christmas fight in which he locked his girlfriend out of the house]
When all of the sudden there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the couch to see what was a matter.
I went to the window and tore open the blinds,
And there was my girlfriend, quite out of her mind!
And I was just standing there, heart pounding with fear,
She was bangin' on the glass door with a vodka bottle…filled just 'bout to here.
And I knew the window couldn't take it.
She said, "Open the door, you bastard, or I'll f**king break it!"
Well, I couldn't do that; 'twas my father's place.
So I opened the door, and she cracked me in the face!
And I summoned my manhood from bottom to top,
And I screamed like a little girl…"I'M CALLING THE COPS!"

 

Christopher Titus