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Her children knew she's sleeping with all these men. That just seems to me, it's the definition of "not a good mother." ... Is everyone just saying here that it's okay to ostentatiously have premarital sex in front of your children? ... [Diana is] an ordinary and pathetic and confessional — I've never had bulimia! I've never had an affair! I've never had a divorce! So I don't think she's better than I am.
--
Statement on MSNBC (19 September 1997) as quoted in "The Wit and Wisdom (NOT) of Ann Coulter" (4 September 2004)

 

Ann Coulter

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And, afterward, when a child was naughty or disobedient, its mother would say:
"You must pray to the good Santa Claus for forgiveness. He does not like naughty children, and, unless you repent, he will bring you no more pretty toys."
But Santa Claus himself would not have approved this speech. He brought toys to the children because they were little and helpless, and because he loved them. He knew that the best of children were sometimes naughty, and that the naughty ones were often good. It is the way with children, the world over, and he would not have changed their natures had he possessed the power to do so.

 

L. Frank Baum

 

It's back in the news now, the Princess Diana Memorial Fountain. People going, "Oh, it's great! It's what she would have wanted. It's a place where families can hang out, children can play. It’s what Princess Diana would have wanted." It isn't! What Princess Diana would have wanted would have been to have not been killed. And then in death, not to have become the unwitting receptacle of the hysterical overemotional shrieking grief of twats.

 

Stewart Lee

 

Even today, when an Aboriginal mother notices the first stirrings of speech in her child, she lets it handle the "things" of that particular country: leaves, fruit, insects and so forth. "We give our children guns and computer games," Wendy said. "They gave their children the land."

 

Bruce Chatwin

 

[About his first-born child] My mother looked at it and said, "Oh, how precious!" I don't know why she said it. Well, I didn't know then. I know now, because my mother put a curse on me. A long time ago, I remember when I was a child what she said, and I later found out that mothers, all mothers, put a curse on their children. They say, "I hope, when you get married, you have some children who act exactly the same way that you act." And this curse WORKS! I mean, it started with that child! My wife and I have not been intellectuals since. Oh, my wife was pretty good for a while, but it didn't last that long. It didn't last two years.

 

Bill Cosby

 

I didn't realize how bad my outlook on life is until I went on a press tour for Ratatouille and had to talk to children's magazines and children's TV shows. And I wasn't interviewed by adults — I was interviewed by actual smiling children. And I didn't realize until that point how desperately I depend on negativity and cynicism just to communicate with the outside world. It's pathetic. The Oswalt family crest should just be a pair of eyes rolling off to the side, a bag of Cheetos, and then the word "f**k". That would be our shield that you'd see retreating from the great battles of history. "F**k this — bows and arrows? Nobody told me anything about bows and arrows, goodbye."

 

Patton Oswalt