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"I was the only boy in our school what had asthma," said the fat boy with a touch of pride. "And I've been wearing specs since I was three."
--
Ch. 1: The Sound of the Shell

 

William Golding

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Frances Egan, the school nurse, left her nutrition charts long enough to tell me there was nothing that could have been done. "Evelyn had a rough time with her father," she said. "Once she came in beaten black and blue."
"What did you do for her?"
"I gave her a cup of tea."
"Tea? Why tea, for heaven's sake?"
"Why? Because I know all about it," she said, shaking with anger. "I know more than anyone here what goes on outside — poverty, disease, dope, degeneracy — yet I'm not supposed to give them even a band-aid. I used to plead, bang on my desk, talk myself hoarse arguing with kids, parents, welfare, administration, social agencies. Nobody really heard me. Now I give them tea. At least, that's something."
"But you're a nurse," I said helplessly.
She showed me the Directive from the Board posted on her wall: THE SCHOOL NURSE MAY NOT TOUCH WOUNDS, GIVE MEDICATION, REMOVE FOREIGN PARTICLES FROM THE EYE...
Are we, none of us, then, allowed to touch wounds? What is the teacher's responsibility? And if it begins at all, where does it end?

 

Bel Kaufman

 

My girl in high school had a 12 foot boa constrictor, she named it Fluffy. That's just sick in my book. Well, we go over to her house, I don't know about the snake, and she says, "Hang on while I get into something more comfortable, okay?" and I'm like, "All right! i'll be waitin right here! well maybe here, oh hell you'll see me" A few minutes later, she comes out wearing that snake around her neck, I'm backin' away, saying, "No thanks, I can drive." She says to me, "No, wait, Bill. Fluffy can wrap around us while we make love." I said, "No, he can't. 'Cause I'll kill him. Okay?"

 

Bill Engvall

 

Kimiko: "I've been a klutz all evening. I don't know what's wrong with me."
Megumi: "That's easy. You're a little 'unbalanced'."
"Aaaaagh!!!! Oh my god how embarrassing! That does it! I'm not wearing these things anymore."
"Oh... you poor girl. You really do need them, don't you?"
"Don't be such a meanie..."

 

Fred Gallagher

 

She spent the afternoon staring at their front door. "Waiting for someone?" Yankel asked. "What color is this?" He stood very close to the door, letting the end of his nose touch the peephole. He licked the wood and joked, "It certainly tastes like red." "Yes, it is red, isn't it?" "Seems so." She buried her head in her hands. "But couldn’t it be just a bit more red?" (pp. 79-80)

 

Jonathan Safran Foer

 

"Immortals are what you wanted," said Thor in a low, quiet voice. "Immortals are what you got. It is a little hard on us. You wanted us to be for ever, so we are for ever. Then you forget about us. But we are still for ever. Now at last, many are dead, many are dying," he then added in a quiet voice, "but it takes a special effort."
"I can't even begin to understand what you're talking about," said Kate, "you say that I, we —"
"You can begin to understand," said Thor, angrily, "which is why I have come to you. Do you know that most people hardly see me? Hardly notice me at all? It is not that we are hidden. We are here. We move among you. My people. Your gods. You gave birth to us. You made us what you would not dare to be yourselves. Yet you will not acknowledge us. If I walk along one of your streets in this... world you have made for yourselves without us, then barely an eye will once flicker in my direction."
"Is this when you're wearing the helmet?"
"Especially when I'm wearing the helmet!"

 

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