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(to Joan Crawford):" Are you wearing a new perfume?"
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(Joan Crawford replies): "It's called Come To Me."
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(Tallulah): " Funny, it doesn't smell like cum to me!"

 

Tallulah Bankhead

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I used to stay up very late at night, much later than I probably should have for such a youngster, and I used to watch very old black-and-white movies with, you know, Bette Davis and Joan Crawford, but I remember watching them thinking 'I could do that'... Even though I wasn't inclined at all to actually become an actress. I mean, that wasn't something that was... in the stars for me, no pun intended.

 

Michelle Pfeiffer

 

Kimiko: "I've been a klutz all evening. I don't know what's wrong with me."
Megumi: "That's easy. You're a little 'unbalanced'."
"Aaaaagh!!!! Oh my god how embarrassing! That does it! I'm not wearing these things anymore."
"Oh... you poor girl. You really do need them, don't you?"
"Don't be such a meanie..."

 

Fred Gallagher

 

"Immortals are what you wanted," said Thor in a low, quiet voice. "Immortals are what you got. It is a little hard on us. You wanted us to be for ever, so we are for ever. Then you forget about us. But we are still for ever. Now at last, many are dead, many are dying," he then added in a quiet voice, "but it takes a special effort."
"I can't even begin to understand what you're talking about," said Kate, "you say that I, we —"
"You can begin to understand," said Thor, angrily, "which is why I have come to you. Do you know that most people hardly see me? Hardly notice me at all? It is not that we are hidden. We are here. We move among you. My people. Your gods. You gave birth to us. You made us what you would not dare to be yourselves. Yet you will not acknowledge us. If I walk along one of your streets in this... world you have made for yourselves without us, then barely an eye will once flicker in my direction."
"Is this when you're wearing the helmet?"
"Especially when I'm wearing the helmet!"

 

Douglas Adams

 

Alessandro Del Piero: "Above all on the eve of a match like this one, when on the other side, wearing a captain band on his arm, there’s a player like Francesco Totti. If we put together our goals scored, it's over 500. If we sum up the years of career, wearing the same shirt – it comes up to 35. We won the World Cup together and those memories unite us forever" "We have a great relationship with plenty of admiration on both sides even if we don't call each other up. Francesco is great."

 

Francesco Totti

 

My girl in high school had a 12 foot boa constrictor, she named it Fluffy. That's just sick in my book. Well, we go over to her house, I don't know about the snake, and she says, "Hang on while I get into something more comfortable, okay?" and I'm like, "All right! i'll be waitin right here! well maybe here, oh hell you'll see me" A few minutes later, she comes out wearing that snake around her neck, I'm backin' away, saying, "No thanks, I can drive." She says to me, "No, wait, Bill. Fluffy can wrap around us while we make love." I said, "No, he can't. 'Cause I'll kill him. Okay?"

 

Bill Engvall