Somebody has been sitting in my chair!

 

Somebody has been sitting in my chair!
--
"The Story of the Three Bears", The Doctor.

 

Robert Southey

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There is one language I can't understand, because it's from another planet, another dimension - that is the language of dentists. They speak in some kind of code, it's quite disturbing and sinister. They'll talk to you perfectly normally. You'll be sitting there like that [[simulates someone sitting on a dentists' couch with some kind of dental equipment in mouth) and they'll look down at you. 'Everything alright?' 'Yes, thank you very much'. Then, they'll turn to their assistant, and it all changes then, doesn't it? 'Jane. Some four. Some nine over the two. Mix me up some kraal (mimes antlers) over the ma-ma-ma-ma (does something strange with hands) Cheese. Go. Im. Shh. Nuhnuhnuhnuhnuh.' (in chair, frightened expression) 'What?' 'Seek out the chalky dust of the love-salmon' (in chair, confused expression) 'What?' Well, obviously, they can't refer to the instruments as they appear to us, otherwise we'd be out of the chair in a trice, wouldn't we? 'Jane, The Claw.' (in chair, terrified expression) 'Hand me The Colonel! The Punisher! The Talons of Saloth Sar!' Just to let them know I'm onto them I always freak them out right back - they look down and say 'Everything alright?' and I look up and I say (in chair, psychotic voice) 'The pheasant has no agenda'.
Ch. 23, 51:53

 

Bill Bailey

 

Yesterday, I was sitting on a beanbag chair naked, eating Cheetos, flippin' through the television and I saw Robert Tilton. He's a televangelist, out of Dallas, and he was staring at me. He looked at me and said, "Are you lonely?" [shrugs] Yeah. "Have you spent half your life in bars, pursuing sins of the flesh?" [Takes a sip of his drink] Man, this guy's good! "Are you sitting in a beanbag chair, naked, eating Cheetos?" [shocked look] YES, SIR! "Do you have the urge to get up and send me a thousand dollars?" Close! I thought he was talking about me there for a second! Apparently, I'm not the only cat on the block that digs Cheetos.

 

Ron White

 

As long as I'm sitting in the chair, there's not going to be any Jew appointed to that court. [No Jew] can be right on the criminal-law issue.

 

Richard Nixon

 

“And what else,” said Morris, with studied casualness, “do they say about this chair?” He did not really have to wait for her reply to know that here, at last, was a prize worthy of his ambition. The UNESCO Chair of Literary Criticism! That had to carry the highest salary in the profession....'Tax free, of course, like all UNESCO salaries.' Duties? Virtually non-existent...It was a purely conceptual chair (except for the stipend)...

 

David Lodge

 

You will be one of the 10% of people out there who are in that bracket because you've succeeded, 90% of people don't live their dream, they talk about it. We've all been in the pub when your mate says 'I'm going to do this' and you go back a year later and he's sitting in the same chair saying the same thing. We've all been there or know someone who's been there.

 

Paul Oakenfold