Judith Sheindlin
American lawyer, judge, TV personality and author, best known to the public as Judge Judy after her internationally popular daytime TV program of the same name.
Let me tell you something. This is my playpen, and I get the last word.
Plaintiff: By the way, Your Honor, you look beautiful.
Judy: Don't go there, Mr. Missry, because it'll be the fastest way for you out the door, sir.
Plaintiff: I'm sorry.
Judy: The fastest way for you out the door.
I'm not 25, and I'm not 5'8". But I know when someone is pulling my leg.
I mean, did you think I was just a fake person here, that they picked out of, you know, that they picked out of a supermarket? Didn't you think that I had any legal experience at all, sir?
to a mother who moved her daughter across the country so that the girl's father couldn't see her, because her fiancee was offered a new job: I don't care whether your fiancee was elected President of the United States! You have no right to move your child across the country without [the father's] permission!
Don't be a wise guy in here, sir. There's only one wise person in here - and that's Byrd.
Try not to be too nervous. I only digest litigants on Thursday.
Oh, sit down! You're as dumb as he is!
Consider yourself having been reasonably humiliated in front of ten million people. Now, without saying another word, turn around, and find the exit. Goodbye.
Judy: [yelling at defendant, who is being sued for bleaching plaintiff's clothes and has just cursed at plaintiff in court] LISTEN TO ME!!! Where do you think you are? You think you're on Springer? [audience laughs] You're NOT! You're NOT! You wanna go to a therapist, go someplace else---
Defendant: No, I don't need a therapist.
Judy: Listen to me!
Defendant: I don't need to see a therapist... [continues trying to talk over Judy]
Judy: Only one person is going to have--only one... judgment for the plaintiff in the amount of $5000! Your counterclaim is dismissed!
Defendant: Excuse me? No! What about my computer? But what about my computer? But what about my computer?
Judy: [getting up to walk off the set] That's all. Your counterclaim is dismissed.
Defendant: ...and you just gonna walk away like that? That don't even make no sense! What about my computer, I don't get no chance to say nothin'...
Judy: [over defendant's continued protests] I told you - I told you: it's my playpen, I have the word. Goodbye, go someplace else!
Why don't you SHUT UP and listen?!
(To a football player) If you lie to me, I'll mop the floor with you worse than anyone who's ever tackled you.