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Pat Robertson

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"We do not need an Osami <sic> bin Laden leading us." — television evangelist Jack Van Impe

 
Pat Robertson

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So we're trying to breed Sluggo and get pick of the litter, so we put him with the female dog for a week. And to make sure it takes, we take him to the vet and they do the artificial insemination, and now it don't take shit to get Sluggo to go to the vet! So the last time we go there, the lady says, "Mr. White, if you'll just come with me, I'll show you how to do this, so next time you don't have to bring the dog, you can just bring the sperm." And I'm like [laughing] "No, you go ahead and jack off the dog, he follows me around too much as it is." He'll be following me around like, "Jack me off! Jack me off! You did it once!" Do it yourself. "I don't have any thumbs. [sobbing] I don't have any goddamn thumbs! Now jack me off, you piece of shit!" [feigned shock] Do we talk to Daddy like that? "Please? Please, jack me off, you piece of shit, I don't have any goddamn thumbs."...I've lost my mind.

 
Ron White
 

"You want a pig," said Roger, "like in a real hunt."
"Or someone to pretend," said Jack. "You could get someone to dress up as a pig and then he could act — you know, pretend to knock me over and all that —"
"You want a real pig," said Robert, still caressing his rump, "because you've got to kill him."
"Use a littlun," said Jack, and everybody laughed.

 
William Golding
 

Jack Thompson: THIS GIANT "M" IS TOTALLY AWESOME, DUDES!
Actually, I don't think the "M" is big enough. I would favor two giant "M" labels that would be affixed to and thus obliterate the entire front and back of each "Mature" game.
And, if you buy such a game, labeled in that fashion, especially if you buy it at Best Buy, you get, free of charge, a giant "M" tatooed on your forehead right there at the point-of-sale device.
That particular "M" will stand for "MORON," which is presently a synonym for "gamer." David Walsh disagrees, but Best Buy wants him to disagree.
Oh, and here's the latest body blow to the video game industry engineered by Jack Thompson. Enjoy!
http://www.oregonlive.com/printer/printer.ssf?/base/metro_west_news/114378991122090.xml&coll=7
Jack Thompson

 
Jack Thompson
 

They were gunning the motorcycles. There were these little backfires. There was one noise like that. I thought it was a backfire. Then next I saw Connally grabbing his arms and saying "no, no, no, no, no," with his fist beating. Then Jack turned and I turned. All I remember was a blue-gray building up ahead. Then Jack turned back so neatly, his last expression was so neat... you know that wonderful expression he had when they'd ask him a question about one of the ten million pieces they have in a rocket, just before he'd answer. He looked puzzled, then he slumped forward. He was holding out his hand ... I could see a piece of his skull coming off. It was flesh-colored, not white — he was holding out his hand ... I can see this perfectly clean piece detaching itself from his head. Then he slumped in my lap, his blood and his brains were in my lap ... Then Clint Hill [the Secret Service man], he loved us, he made my life so easy, he was the first man in the car ... We all lay down in the car ... And I kept saying, Jack, Jack, Jack, and someone was yelling "he's dead, he's dead." All the ride to the hospital I kept bending over him, saying "Jack, Jack, can you hear me, I love you, Jack."

 
Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis
 

"I think it's very interesting that all the conservative Republicans who now say I didn't do enough claimed that I was too obsessed with Bin Laden. All of President Bush's neo-cons thought I was too obsessed with Bin Laden. They had no meetings on Bin Laden for nine months after I left office. All the right-wingers who now say I didn't do enough, said I did too much—same people."

 
Bill Clinton
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