I'm buying a Cinnabon at the airport I arrived at. You understand why that's extra disgusting, right? Because when you're at the airport you're leaving from, you can say, "Oh, I gotta eat. I need some food, because I might be trapped in the sky forever, so I should eat right now." But I've landed. The trip is over. I'm 20 minutes from my house, where I got bananas and apples and shit. And I'm sitting on my luggage just f**king eating a Cinnabon with a fork and knife.
Louis CK
They have a luggage store at the airport? I mean, how late do you have to be running? Don't worry honey just grab a pile of shit... we'll get a bag at the airport!"
Dave Attell
It can hardly be a coincidence that no language on Earth has ever produced the expression "As pretty as an airport." Airports are ugly. Some are very ugly. Some attain a degree of ugliness that can only be the result of a special effort. This ugliness arises because airports are full of people who are tired, cross, and have just discovered that their luggage has landed in Murmansk (Murmansk airport is the only exception of this otherwise infallible rule), and architects have on the whole tried to reflect this in their designs.
Douglas Adams
Just go to an airport, stand in front of a person who is waiting for their flight, and stare at them until they notice you are there. When they look at you, just say "Don't get on the flight" and walk away. You know they're sitting there going "I dont think I should get on this f**king flight.. I think an angel just told me not to get on this flight.. Thank you angel wearing jeans!"
Dane Cook
I don't give a f**k who's gay or straight in the Senate. Who cares? But it's always the one that they have all this tape of, saying gay people shouldn't have civil rights, gay people aren't the same, I would never want a gay person......those are always the ones trying to get a headjob at the f**king airport bathroom at the Minneapolis airport!
Kathy Griffin
CK, Louis
Claiborne, Shane
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