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How big are muffins going to get before we all join hands across America? Have you seen them? They're huge. You walk in, "Yeah, I'll take a coffee and... Oh my God! Yeah, I'll take the bean bag chair with raisins. Wooh! Yeah! Alright, can't believe this is fat-free! Hey, you wanna help me out to the trunk of my car? No, leave the Saran Wrap on it I'll use it to cover my pool, this is good."
--
Sweat the Small Stuff (2001)

 

Kevin James

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I meet a lot of people, dude, and I've never been star-struck, but I met Scott and I was like, "Hi Scott - my name is durrrh" He was like, "Are you alright, dude?" and I was like, "Yeah - I mean, my name's Chester and I think you're great, I just wanted to tell you" I felt like a total schmuck! He was like, "Well, are you in a band or what?" and I was like, "Yeah, I'm in a band called Linkin Park" and he was like, "You just played today, right?" and I went, "Yeah" and he went, "I've heard real cool things about you - good luck!" and I was like, "Nargggh" And I mean, when I met him, I was in the middle of talking to the bass player from Green Day and these bands are like of the same calibre, but talking to the bass player from Green Day, I was totally comfortable - "Yeah, dude, what's up, man? It's cool to meet you!" - and here comes Scott and I'm like, "Urrrgh!" I don't know why - maybe I'm gay!

 

Chester Bennington

 

I told you my reasons
For the whole revival.
Now I'm going outside to have
An ice cold beer in the shade.
Oh, I'm going to listen to my 45's.
Ain't it wonderful to be alive
When the rock 'n' roll plays, yeah.
When the memory stays, yeah.
I'm keeping the faith.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Keeping the faith.

 

Billy Joel

 

We stand up and the judge leaves, and Michael turns to me and says, "Bob, the jury system is much older than 200 years, isn't it?" I said, 'Well, yeah, it goes back to the Greeks." He says, "Oh yeah, Socrates had a jury trial, didn't he?" I said, "Yeah, well, you know how it turned out for him." Michael says, "Yeah, he had to drink the hemlock." That's just one little tidbit. We talked about psychology, Freud and Jung, Hawthorne, sociology, black history and sociology dealing with race issues. But he was very well read in the classics of psychology and history and literature.

 

Michael Jackson

 

L.A. is a nightmare place, man. You'll always meet this one guy out in L.A, you always – this real smarmy guy. He always says this: "Yeah, I love calling back east January 1. 'What are all you doin'? Snowed in, huh? Bummer. Me? I'm out by the pool! Ha ha ha haaa!'" What a dick this guy is. It's why I used to love to call L.A. when I lived in New York: "What are y'all doin'? Talking to TV producers, huh? Bummer. Me? I'm reading a book! Yeah, we're thinkin' back East. Yeah, we're evolving. Is that the Big One I hear in the background? Bye, you lizard scum! Bye!" [whoosh] Ha ha ha ha! It's gone, it's gone, it's gone. It's gone. All the shitty shows are gone, all the idiots screamin' in the f**kin' wind are dead, I love it. Leaving nothing but a cool, beautiful serenity called … Arizona Bay. Ha ha ha! That's right. When L.A. falls in the f**kin' ocean and is flushed away, all it will leave is Arizona Bay.

 

Bill Hicks

 

I asked that question once ["Are there actually women in the world who do not like to give blowjobs?"] and a woman yelled "Yeah, you ever try it?" I said "Yeah. Almost broke my back." It's that one vertebra, I swear to god it's that close. I think that's the next thing to go in our next evolutionary step. Just a theory, and a fervent prayer! And now all the guys are going, "Honey, I have no idea what he's talking about," ...but guys, you know what I'm talking about. I can speak for any guy here tonight: guys, if you could blow yourselves? Ladies, you'd be here alone right now...watching an empty stage. ...Boy, my parents are proud of me! "Bill, honey, you still doing that suck-your-own-cock bit?" "Yeah, ma." "Good, baby, that's such a crowd-pleaser."

 

Bill Hicks