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Well what happened was I was asked to be on Seinfeld. They said: “Would you do a Seinfeld?” And I said, and I just happened to know to see a few Seinfelds and I knew these guys were really tops; they were really, really clever guys, and I liked the show. And so I said “Sure!” and I thought they would ask me to do a walk-on, the way it came: "Would you come be part of the show?" And I said “Yeah, sure I’ll do it.” You know what I mean? Then I got the script and my name was on every page because it was about my car. And I laughed; it was hysterically funny. So I was really delighted to do it. The writer came up to me and he said “Jon, would you come take a look at my car to see if you ever owned it?”, because the writer wrote it from a real experience where someone sold him the car based on the fact that it was my car. And I went down and I looked at the car and I said “No, I never had this car.” So unfortunately I had to give him the bad news. But it was a funny episode.
--
In a Red Carpet interview at the 2006 BAFTA Emmy Awards describing his involvement in and appearance on the 1994 Seinfeld episode The Mom and Pop Store

 

Jon Voight

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I asked that question once ["Are there actually women in the world who do not like to give blowjobs?"] and a woman yelled "Yeah, you ever try it?" I said "Yeah. Almost broke my back." It's that one vertebra, I swear to god it's that close. I think that's the next thing to go in our next evolutionary step. Just a theory, and a fervent prayer! And now all the guys are going, "Honey, I have no idea what he's talking about," ...but guys, you know what I'm talking about. I can speak for any guy here tonight: guys, if you could blow yourselves? Ladies, you'd be here alone right now...watching an empty stage. ...Boy, my parents are proud of me! "Bill, honey, you still doing that suck-your-own-cock bit?" "Yeah, ma." "Good, baby, that's such a crowd-pleaser."

 

Bill Hicks

 

Nash: You've been sitting out here for six months running your mouth: "this is where the big boys play," huh? Look at the adjective—"play". We ain't here to play. Now, he said last week that he was gonna bring somebody out here—I'm here. You still don't have your three people, and you know why? Because nobody wants to face us. This show's about as interesting as Marge Schott reading excerpts from Mein Kampf!
Bischoff: No trouble here, just speak the peace...
Nash: Yeah, no trouble 'cause you know I'll kick your teeth down your throat. Where's your three guys? What, you couldn't get a paleontologist to get a couple of these fossils cleared?! You ain't got enough guys off of dialysis machines to get a team?! Yeah, where's Hogan? Where's Hogan? Out doing another episode of Blunder in Paradise?! Where's the Macho Man, huh?! Doin' some Slim Jim commercial?! Hey, we're here. You wanna say something?
Bischoff: Look, I don't have the authority right here, right now. You want a fight? Your fight isn't with me. You want three guys? Tomorrow morning at 9:00, I'm gonna be in Atlanta, I'm gonna be in the offices of WCW, I'll try and get you your fight. And you know what? Live, this Sunday in Baltimore, Great American Bash, you guys wanna show up? You want a fight? You show up, I'll see if I can get you your fight.
Nash: [to Hall] I don't know about you, but...they love us in Baltimore.
Hall: Hey, big man, I say me and you, we be at the Bash, maybe these punks want a fight.
Nash: [to Bischoff] Bring what you got. The measuring stick just changed around here, buddy—you're looking at it.

 

Kevin Nash

 

"After coming back to the show, I was shocked at how much thought and distillation he personally puts into the script," [Stephen Colbert] says, "that care and unbelievable work ethic, and ability to consume information, digest and distill a story. He's telling us that this is the mechanics of the human interaction, and this is the actual message of the story."
Colbert says Stewart's intelligence (the host can read books and script pages at lightning speed) can't be overstated, and that the show's mojo comes from stories Stewart brings to light that the traditional media fail to report.
"He's naming what seems most ridiculous about the news, which is the personalities and the news itself," Colbert says. "It's only the overt game that's being reported."

 

Jon Stewart

 

It was a fun show. At one point the barricade in front of the stage gave way, which scared the concert promoters because they thought people were going to get hurt. So we had to stop the show for a while. That was funny... Although I guess only funny because no one got hurt.

 

Mike Shinoda

 

Your holy hearsay is not evidence.
Give me the good news in the present tense.
What happened nineteen hundred years ago
May not have happened.
How am I to know?
So shut your Bibles up and show me how
The Christ you talk about
Is living now.

 

Sydney Carter