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"To put it in gentleman's terms if you've been out for a night and you're looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they're good looking and some weeks they're not the best. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She wasn't the best looking lady we ended up taking home but she was very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much, let's have a coffee"
- on the "ugly" win against Chesterfield.
--
Gordon Strachan v Ian Holloway: Sportsmail picks their top 10 funny quotes ahead of Middlesbrough's showdown with Blackpool. Mail Online (2009-12-08). Retrieved on 2011-04-29.

 

Ian Holloway

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I gave a speech in Omaha. After the speech I went to a reception elsewhere in town. A sweet old lady came up to me, put her gloved hand in mine, and said, "I hear you spoke here tonight." "Oh, it was nothing," I replied modestly. "Yes," the little old lady nodded, "that's what I heard."

 

Jerry Ford

 

I gave a speech in Omaha. After the speech I went to a reception elsewhere in town. A sweet old lady came up to me, put her gloved hand in mine, and said, "I hear you spoke here tonight." "Oh, it was nothing," I replied modestly. "Yes," the little old lady nodded, "that's what I heard."

 

Gerald Ford

 

I would say that the most emotional moment was her listening to the playback of "I'm a Fool to Want You." There were tears in her eyes... After we finished the album I went into the control room and listened to all the takes. I must admit I was unhappy with her performance, but I was just listening musically instead of emotionally. It wasn't until I heard the final mix a few weeks later that I realized how great her performance really was.

 

Billie Holiday

 

'We are strangers, lost and bemused," Roadstrum said to the lady. "We have landed here by accident. We are looking for a lady who was singing, the lady who (according to silly myth) is identical with the planet and who sang the planet into being."

 

R. A. Lafferty

 

My only problem with the Grand Canyon is Americans are a little bit too proud of it for my liking. Because they're very proud of it, they are, they love it. I spent two and a half weeks in that Grand Canyon, and if one more American was to say to me "[mock American accent] Hey! Bet you don't have anything like this in Ireland, huh?!", there was gonna be trouble! Honestly! They are so proud of that hole in the ground, you'd think they'd all got together one day with a load of shovels and dug it them-f**king-selves! And let's face it, if they were gonna do that, they would have got the Irish to do it for them, anyway. I do like Americans; they've done a lot to be proud of, to be honest with you. They invented Jack Daniel's, they invented Coca-Cola, they put the two together, hohohoho! They're a thinking people! Put a man on the moon, gave us Marlboro cigarettes, Bill Hicks, Jimi Hendrix, they've done a lot to be proud of. But the Grand Canyon was like that when they found it! And it's not like it was hard to find, the f**ker's huge! "[mock American accent] Bet you don't have anything like this in Ireland, huh?!" Yeah, if we did, we wouldn't have anywhere to put it! Stupid thing to say! Yeah, move Limerick, we have a big canyon coming in! [pauses] Actually not a bad idea, really. I don't know if you've ever been to Limerick [laughs]. "[singing] Limerick, you're a lady!" A big, ugly, scary lady with a knife!

 

Ed Byrne