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Those of you who speak only English, applaud [audience applause]. Those of you who speak only Spanish, applaud [audience applause]. [In mock incredulity] Then how do you know what I just said?
--
"trick" question at innumerable concerts— always with the same result

 

Gloria Estefan

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I can't really hear the audience applause when I'm on stage. I'm totally immersed in the piece. But sometimes I get a lot of it and wonder, "Now, why did they applaud here?" If it's a white crowd, they usually applaud because they think it's a pretty movement. If it's a black crowd, it's usually because they identify with the message.

 

Judith Jamison

 

How many watched the President's speech last night?
[half-hearted audience applause]
How many watched American Idol?
[thundering applause]
Okay, there you go! You get the government you deserve.

 

Jay Leno

 

Come, on, EMPTY-V!! [As] far as I'm concerned, Beavis and Butt-head and Dora (sic) are the only two good things you ever DID! [wild applause from audience] But can't you think of a better way to raise audience awareness of domestic violence, than to make it look COOL?

 

Jello Biafra

 

Let me tell you something -- wait a minute. You know one things that's wrong with this country? Everybody gets a chance to have their fair say. My budget did more to fight AIDS than any in history, and we're having to put up with this. (Applause.) Tell them to let me talk. (Applause.) If you want to give a speech -- go out there and raise your own crowd. We'll be glad to listen to you. (Applause.) So there were those -- (interruption) -- I'll make you a deal. I'll ignore them if you will. (Applause.)

 

Bill Clinton

 

In my collection, to me at least, the theatre of the past lives again and those long-dead playwrights and actors have in me an enthralled audience of one, and I applaud them across the centuries.

 

Robertson Davies