Perdiccas threatened to put him to death unless he came to him, "That's nothing wonderful," Diogenes said, "for a beetle or a tarantula would do the same."
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Diogenes Laërtius, vi. 44Diogenes of Sinope
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"I saw a particular personage and I threatened him — yes, Mademoiselle, I, Hercule Poirot, threatened him."
"With the police?"
"No," said Poirot drily, "With the Press — a much more deadly weapon."Agatha Christie
Diogenes received an invitation to dine with one whose house was splendidly furnished, in the highest order and taste, and nothing therein wanting. Diogenes, hawking, and as if about to spit, looked in all directions, and finding nothing adapted thereto, spat right in the face of the master. He, indignant, asked why he did so? "Because," Diogenes, "I saw nothing so dirty and filthy in all your house. For the walls were covered with pictures, the floors of the most precious tessellated character — and ranged with the various images of gods, and other ornamental figures."
Diogenes of Sinope
He used to say that personal beauty was a better introduction than any letter; 18 but others say that it was Diogenes who gave this description of it, while Aristotle called beauty "the gift of God"; that Socrates called it "a short-lived tyranny"; Theophrastus, "a silent deceit"; Theocritus, "an ivory mischief"; Carneades, "a sovereignty which stood in need of no guards".
Diogenes Laertius
Three years ago, I bought a Beetle, not even thinking. [Audience laughs some] That's not the joke, shut up. I wasn't thinking, I bought the car, because it was affordable, economical, brand-new freakin' Beetle for $17,000. I was, like, "AHHH!" First new car, you know? I go to show it off at my friend Martin's house. I pull up, like, [Imitates car driving, then brakes screeching] "MARTEEEEEEEEEN!" He lives in the 'hood, I don't get out of the car. Across the street, there are these gang members, the kind of gang members that, they don't get into any gunfights, they just sit on the porch and talk alot of smack. And from across the street, I hear this. I was like, "MARTEEEEEEN!" Behind me, I hear, "Oralé!" [Looks behind] "Hey, what's up guys, hows it going?" "How did you get in there, essé?" [Gives an embarassed/angered look] "HURRY UP, MARTIN!" 2 months later, I come back to pick him up and I've had some time to work on the car. I put some rims on it, some stickers on it, I put a chip in the motor that makes it go faster, right? I thought I was bad, right? So I pull up, [Imitates car driving, tires screeching, and the moter reving] "MARTEEEEEN!" [Gesturing to the voice behind him] "Oralé!" [Gabriel shakes his head] Uh uh, I'm not turning around. "HEY!" Mmm-mm. "Hey!" I don't see you! "Yoo-hoo!" [Growls and turns around] WHAT?! "Check it out, it's the Fat and the Furious!"
Gabriel Iglesias
Diogenes of Sinope
Dion, Stephane
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