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I'm very romantic when I masturbate. I light some candles. Then I try to shoot them out when I'm done. Never invite me to a birthday party.

 

Dave Attell

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I'm very romantic when I masturbate. Sometimes I light a candle...then I try and shoot it out. It's like a carnival.

 

Dave Attell

 

I thought being invisible would be great. Then I started thinking about it. It would be a bit creepy standing around and watching people. Don't you think? Then I thought a power that allowed you to light fires would be handy. I would be dangerous if you couldn't handle it, but I always have trouble at home finding matches to light candles. So if I could just walk around and light the candles with my finger, that would be kind of cool.

 

Gwyneth Paltrow

 

So I light the fire with the lighter and then I'm like, 'Now, how am I going to light the candles?' And I'm racing through the house, tearing open drawers and throwing things out of closets, looking for matches ... and I had just lit the fire with the thing!!! And then I was like, 'How did I light the fire?' So then l took the thing and lit the candles.

 

Megan Mullally

 

You know it doesn't make much sense,
There ought to be a law against
Anyone who takes offence
At a day in your celebration,
'Cause we all know in our minds
That there ought to be a time
That we can set aside
To show just how much we love you,
And I'm sure you would agree,
What could fit more perfectly
Than to have a world party
On the day you came to be?
Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday.

 

Stevie Wonder

 

My fifth birthday party was M.J. themed, I insisted. My mother found a lookalike to come sing happy birthday and I KNEW he wasn't MY Michael. Thank you Michael Jackson for being my FIRST of many! My mother took me to my FIRST concert, I was only two years old. I fell in love.

 

Michael Jackson