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Craig Ferguson

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Kids: If a bear is wearing a ranger hat, it's because he ate the ranger!
--
On Smokey Bear

 
Craig Ferguson

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As that little child in the spacesuit in The Seven year Itch grew up, three things would become obvious to him. He would be aware that he hadn’t been trained to really understand the history of mechanization, and was insufficient in that regard; that he hadn’t been trained to be anything like Winston Churchill, and was going to be permanently insufficient in that regard; and that he wasn’t actually going to be able to look a mine worker in the eye, and was going to be insufficient in that regard. He was going to be aware that he had been a Video Ranger from the start, and that he was going to have to keep on being a Video Ranger, and that he was going to have to learn to laugh about that. And, also, because he wanted to get married, to be a man in some sense, he was going to have to be serious about something. He was going to have to touch base with some real thing going on in his father, and what he got hold of was the irony in his father....And the evolution of that process is toward David Letterman…. We were going to have to grow up to be entirely ironic in our visceral reactions to our own manhood.

 
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Killing a park ranger in Alaska ain't the same thing as murder.

 
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Susannah has become less of a Sloane Ranger and more into real life. She’s also more career-minded.

 
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But after the intimacy-inducing rituals of puberty, boys who would be men are told we must go it alone, we must achieve our heroism as the Lone Ranger, we must see the other men as threats to our masculine mastery, as objects of competition.

 
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Nurse: You guys are like the Lone Ranger and Tonto.
Thomas: We're more like Tonto and Tonto.

 
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