Courtroom for Ted Bundy's trial is packed with women, trying to meet him and give him love letters and wedding-f**king-proposals...and the first thought that enters my mind is, "And I'm not getting laid." What am I doing wrong?
Bill Hicks
You know when a coupon wants to use letters in their phone number to be catchy? But often times they use too many letters. "Give us a call down here at 1-800-I-Really-Enjoy-Carpeting." It's too many letters, man. "Hello?" "Hold on, I'm only on 'Enjoy'! How did you know I was calling? I can see why they hired you!"
Mitch Hedberg
"Monkfish liver! Can you sell them? How many people order them?" one chef will say. "I herda them," says another. "The f**king burger…" groans another, "I can’t get it off the menu. I tried, but they scream." "Give them the damn burger," says another, "and f**king salmon if they want it too. Just slip them the good stuff slowly, when they're not looking. A little here,a little there, as a special. Choke them with burgers but slide them tuna rare. Give them their salmon, but make it ceviche. They’ll come around. They’re coming around."
Anthony Bourdain
Hicks, Bill
Hicks, Esther
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