[on being condescended to by a flight attendant] Ma'am, when I got up this morning, I didn't wanna be a jackass...you just pushed my jackass button.
Bill Engvall
"You know how when a dog is crippled you put his back legs in a wheelchair? I think Willie the Jackass really puts a smile on kids' faces. I drag the ass-end of the costume around the park cause I ain't got nobody to fill that spot. The back legs are crippled." (from "Willie the Jackass")
Jerky Boys
"If I didn't know any better I'd say you was a regular jackass!"
Jerky Boys
Take your patience pill ...You can be joyous, but you can't be a jackass.
Michael Nutter
A jackass can kick a barn down, but it takes a carpenter to build one.
Sam Rayburn
I was gonna get a candy bar; the button I was supposed to push was "HH", so I went to the side, I found the "H" button, I pushed it twice. F**kin'...potato chips came out, man, because they had an "HH" button for Christ's sake! You need to let me know. I'm not familiar with the concept of "HH". I did not learn my AA-BB-CC's. God god, dammit dammit.
Mitch Hedberg
Engvall, Bill
Enlai, Zhou
A
B
C
D
E
F
G
H
I
J
K
L
M
N
O
P
Q
R
S
T
U
V
W
X
Y
Z