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There are two types of people in the world: Chuck Norris and people that suck.

 

Anonymous

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Mike Huckabee: My plan to secure the border? Two words: Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris: Mike Huckabee's a lifelong hunter who'll protect our Second Amendment rights.
Huckabee: There's no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard, only another fist.
Norris: Mike Huckabee wants to put the IRS out of business.
Huckabee: When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Norris: Mike's a principled, authentic conservative.
Huckabee: Chuck Norris doesn't endorse, he tells America how it's gonna be.

 

Mike Huckabee

 

Sir, I just think that's it's f**king brilliant that you somehow managed to tie Chuck Norris, Chewbacca the Wookie, and Jesus Christ together.

 

Kevin Smith

 

According to Aristophanes in Plato's The Banquet, in the ancient world of legend there were three types of people.
In ancient times people weren't simply male or female, but one of three types : male/male, male/female or female/female. In other words, each person was made out of the components of two people. Everyone was happy with this arrangment and never really gave it much thought. But then God took a knife and cut everyone in half, right down the middle. So after that the world was divided just into male and female, the upshot being that people spend their time running around trying to locate their missing half.

 

Haruki Murakami

 

I'm aware of the made up declarations about me that have recently begun to appear on the Internet and in emails as "Chuck Norris facts." I've seen some of them. Some are funny. Some are pretty far out. Being more a student of the Wild West than the wild world of the Internet, I'm not quite sure what to make of it. It's quite surprising. I do know that boys will be boys, and I neither take offense nor take these things too seriously. Who knows, maybe these made up one-liners will prompt young people to seek out the real facts as found in my recent autobiographical book, "Against All Odds?" They may even be interested enough to check out my novels set in the Old West, "The Justice Riders," released this month. I'm very proud of these literary efforts.

 

Chuck Norris

 

[Rock Hudson] was on his deathbed, going, "It was that last f**king dick... god DAMN it, why did I suck it, WHY DID I SUCK IT!?!? I was ahead of the game, Mister! Million of dicks, never had a problem before--dick, dick, dick, suck, suck, suck; dick, dick, dick, suck, suck, suck. Never had a problem--IT WAS THAT LAST GODDAMN DICK!!!"

 

Sam Kinison