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"Dear Edwina, she always liked to make a splash." On hearing that Edwina Mountbatten had been buried at sea

 

the Queen Mother Elizabeth

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He was deeply impressed by the eloquence of the plaintiff, and after hearing his evidence he exclaimed, "I believe you are right!"
The clerk of the court explained that he should make no such comment until he had heard the case for the defence. Having done so, Nasruddin cried out, "I believe you are right!"
"But they can't both be right," expostulated the clerk.
"I believe you are right," said the Mulla.

 

Nasreddin

 

She spent the afternoon staring at their front door. "Waiting for someone?" Yankel asked. "What color is this?" He stood very close to the door, letting the end of his nose touch the peephole. He licked the wood and joked, "It certainly tastes like red." "Yes, it is red, isn't it?" "Seems so." She buried her head in her hands. "But couldn’t it be just a bit more red?" (pp. 79-80)

 

Jonathan Safran Foer

 

[reading an email] "Dear Craig, … are your letters written by your writers?" No. "Does this make me one of your writers?" (ponders) Yes. "Why haven't I been paid?" Because you're one of my writers!

 

Craig Ferguson

 

Several years ago my dear wife went to the hospital. She left a note behind for the children: "Dear children, do not let Daddy touch the microwave"—followed by a comma, "or the stove, or the dishwasher, or the dryer." I'm embarrassed to add any more to that list.

 

Thomas S. Monson

 

Arius began to say things like this in his sermons and writings: "If God and Christ were equal then Christ should be called God’s brother, not God’s Son." People puzzled about that. They were hearing now something different from this presbyter than they were hearing from the bishop. And Arius also created the very famous saying, "There was a time when He was not." "There was a time when the Son did not exist." So in his view, Christ became what we could call a third thing. He is neither God nor is He man, but something in between. There is God and there is the Son and there is the rest of creation. So rather than having two things you have a tertium quid, a third thing — neither god nor man.

 

Arius