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"Great-grandfather died under strange circumstances. He opened a vein in his bath."
"I never knew baths had veins," protested Gabrilowitsch."
"I never knew his great-grandfather had a ba—" began Falcovsky derisively.
--
"The Idol's Eye", The Most of S. J. Perelman (1992) p. 32.

 

S. J. Perelman

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"Most men", he quoted, "are of naught more use in their lives but as machines for turning food into shit."
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He said "I'll punch your head!" I said "Whose?" He said "Yours!"
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His language had a special vocabulary — not just "the SF" [God] and "epsilon" [child] but also "bosses" (women), "slaves" (men), "captured" (married), "liberated" (divorced), "recaptured" (remarried), "noise" (music), "poison" (alcohol), "preaching" (giving a mathematics lecture), "Sam" (the United States), and "Joe" (the Soviet Union). When he said someone had "died," Erdős meant that the person had stopped doing mathematics. When he said someone had "left," the person had died.

 

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