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I'm not "filled with my art". I ain't got no art. I've got only a kind of craftsman's skill, and make stories as I make biscuits or embroider underwear or wrap up packages.
--
Letter to Guy Moyston (June 25, 1925)

 

Rose Wilder Lane

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And mothers are always more interested in the condition of your underwear than your body if you're ever in an accident. And they tell you that, "I hope for my sake that if you're ever in an accident, you have on clean underwear!" Well, I thought that was what an accident was! Look, you're driving a truck. Here comes another truck, gonna hit you. Now, whether you hit the truck or not, you're going to have soiled underwear! Because first you say it, then you do it! Now here comes your mother to the hospital. "Did he have on clean underwear?" "Yes, we found it in the glove compartment."

 

Bill Cosby

 

My girl in high school had a 12 foot boa constrictor, she named it Fluffy. That's just sick in my book. Well, we go over to her house, I don't know about the snake, and she says, "Hang on while I get into something more comfortable, okay?" and I'm like, "All right! i'll be waitin right here! well maybe here, oh hell you'll see me" A few minutes later, she comes out wearing that snake around her neck, I'm backin' away, saying, "No thanks, I can drive." She says to me, "No, wait, Bill. Fluffy can wrap around us while we make love." I said, "No, he can't. 'Cause I'll kill him. Okay?"

 

Bill Engvall

 

It has been said, "History is written by the victors." I take this to mean we can make ourselves victorious by writing, and then rewriting our own stories. In a country and culture so dominated by media, by the manipulation of words and stories, telling the tales of people whose stories historically have not been told is a radical act and I believe an act that can change the world and help rewrite history.

 

Jennifer Beals

 

"It seems a cold world without something … more."
"On the contrary," said Oromis, "it is a better world . A place where we are responsible for our own actions, where we can be kind to one another because we want to and because it is the right thing to do instead of being frightened into behaving by the threat of divine punishment. I won't tell you what to believe, Eragon. It is far better to be taught to think critically and then be allowed to make your own decisions than to have someone else's notions thrust upon you. You asked after our religion, and I have answered you true. Make of it what you will."

 

Christopher Paolini

 

If you're already so low on the parental totem pole, skill-wise, that you're letting your child scream "frickin'" in a public place...just let 'em say "f**k." He's already going to prison. Don't make him a bottom-bunk, too.

 

Christopher Titus