Jane Wagner
American playwright and actress, best known as Lily Tomlin's comedy writer, collaborator, and companion.
Your problem is your role models were models.
If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?
I swear people don't want sex so much as they want somebody who'll listen to 'em ... the first thing you learn after fellatio is how to listen.
Interviewer: You once said you had a drug problem...
Lily: Yeah, I still do. It's so hard to find good grass these days.
If you read a lot of books, you're considered well-read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well-viewed.
I bet the worst part about dying is the part where your whole life passes before you.
Don't be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed.
Why is it when we talk to God we're said to be praying — but when God talks to us, we're said to be schizophrenic?
Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.
For fast acting relief, try slowing down.
Remember we're all in this alone.
Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination.
Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.
If the formula for water is H2O, is the formula for an ice cube H2O squared?
If I had known what it would be like to have it all... I might have been willing to settle for less.
The best mind-altering drug is truth.
No matter how cynical you become, it's never enough to keep up.
It's my belief we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain.
The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.