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I got a 'do not disturb' sign on my hotel door. It says 'do not disturb.' Its time to go with 'don't disturb.' Its been 'do not disturb' for too long. We need to embrace the contraction. 'Don't disturb,' 'Do Not' psyches you out. "'Do,' alright I need to disturb this guy... 'Not,' SHIT! I need to read faster!" I like to wear 'do not disturb' signs around my neck so that little kids can't tell me knock knock jokes. Say, "How you doin', nephew." "Knock Knock?" "Read the sign, punk!"

 

Mitch Hedberg

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I have a suggestion for Microsoft — no fancy programming required. Just let us users hang out a "Do Not Disturb" sign. Then leave us alone. We're dreaming.

 

Ellen Ullman

 

Have you heard about the kid who lost his head at Six Flags? The first time I read it, I thought, "Oh my God...How can I make this funny for everybody?"...Here goes. What happened was, he was in a church youth group and he lost his hat during the roller coaster. Afterwards, he was like, "I'm going to go get my hat." And there was a big fence with signs that said, "Hey, cut your losses." And he was like, "What? Have you SEEN me in that hat? Not today, fence!" So, he climbed that fence, and then there was another fence with a sign that probably said, "Hey, come on, knock it off." He was like, "You can't tell me how to live, signs!" And he climbed over that fence and there, the story ends. Did he get the hat? I'd like to think he did. That small silver lining, "Hey, I got my hat!" Then whack, right then! And I know he was on a church youth group and they don't believe in evolution, but that kid was going to get picked off sooner or later.

 

Daniel Tosh

 

My whole life is made up of: "I'm sorry". I feel like I have to apologize to people, to things, to life itself. It's like, "I'm sorry to be here". I don't want to disturb anyone. But in my work, in the clothes I create, I'm actually telling people that I'm here. So, I guess I'm disturbing them, after all.

 

Yohji Yamamoto

 

When I say "I fear" — don't let it disturb you, dearest heart. We all fear when we are in waiting-rooms. Yet we must pass beyond them, and if the other can keep calm, it is all the help we can give each other.

 

Katherine Mansfield

 

Jools Holland: "Knock Knock!"
Morrissey: "I'm not in!"
Jools: "Oh, come on."
Morrissey: "I refuse to open the door."

 

Morrissey