I went to a pizzeria, I ordered a slice of pizza, the f**ker gave me the smallest slice possible. If the pizza was a pie chart for what people would do if they found a million dollars, the f**ker gave me the "donate it to charity" slice. I would like to exchange this for the "keep it!"
--
track 2, "Sandwiches"Mitch Hedberg
» Mitch Hedberg - all quotes »
On Saturday, he ate through one piece of chocolate cake, one ice-cream cone, one pickle, one slice of Swiss cheese, one slice of salami, one lollipop, one piece of cherry pie, one sausage, one cupcake, and one slice of watermelon. That night he had a stomach ache.
Eric Carle
"Oh indeed!" exclaimed the King. Then he turned to his servants and said: "Please take General Crinkle to the torture chamber. There you will kindly slice him into thin slices. Afterward you may feed him to the seven-headed dogs."
L. Frank Baum
"I do not want to miss a good chance of getting us a slice of this magnificent African cake."
Leopold II of Belgium
You know, a lot of people come to me and they say, "Steve, how can you be so f**king funny?" There's a secret to it, it's no big deal. Before I go out, I put a slice of bologna in each of my shoes. So when I'm on stage, I feel funny.
Steve Martin
Hedberg, Mitch
Hedges, Chris
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