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I think they could take sesame seeds off the market and I wouldn't even care. I can't imagine 5 years from now, saying, "Damn, remember sesame seeds? What happened? All the buns are blank! They're gonna have to change that McDonald's song: 'Two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a... bun.' How's a sesame seed stick to a bun? That's f**kin' magical! There's got to be some sesame seed glue out there! Either that, or they're adhesive on one side. "Take the sesame seed out, remove the backing, place it on the bun. Now your bun will look spectacular." What does a sesame seed grow into? I don't know, we never gave them a chance! What the f**k is a sesame? It's a street...it's a way to open shit!

 

Mitch Hedberg

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Help! I'm David of Sesame Street, and they're trying to kill me!

 

Northern Calloway

 

You can always tell when Bush is in trouble. He always brings out 9/11. 9/11 is the cudgel that he waves. As far as he's concerned, it's "Open Sesame". 9/11 is his way of saying, "Okay, I'm f**king up now, but remember four years ago? That was cool." I think he thinks he can use it for anything. "9/11. On 9/11 we were attacked. And so, I should get to bang your wife." What? "Now, there are some nay-sayers out there who think I shouldn't bang your wife, well, that's the cut-and-run crowd."

 

Jon Stewart

 

The person I enjoyed interviewing the most was Elmo from Sesame Street because he is so unpredictable and he is always eating my hair and my face.

 

Katie Couric

 

I wanted an autograph from Northern Calloway, when we where in Stony Lodge together, I asked and was dragged away. He was the only celebrity I met as a kid. I still remember, the sheet over his face, his body on a stretcher. And the only food for thought that would feed my head was like my childhood, David from Sesame Street was dead.

 

Northern Calloway