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I was walking down the street with my friend and he said, "I hear music", as if there is any other way you can take it in. You're not special, that's how I receive it too. I tried to taste it but it did not work.

 

Mitch Hedberg

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"4 example the other day i saw a black person walking down the street and i was like "omg a negro" but instead of walking on the other side i said "what would rumsfeld do?" so i stayed on the sidewalk. when he came up to me i wanted to show him that i have no problems with people of color so i said "hey" and offered him my spare change before he could even ask."

 

Maddox

 

Three years ago, I bought a Beetle, not even thinking. [Audience laughs some] That's not the joke, shut up. I wasn't thinking, I bought the car, because it was affordable, economical, brand-new freakin' Beetle for $17,000. I was, like, "AHHH!" First new car, you know? I go to show it off at my friend Martin's house. I pull up, like, [Imitates car driving, then brakes screeching] "MARTEEEEEEEEEN!" He lives in the 'hood, I don't get out of the car. Across the street, there are these gang members, the kind of gang members that, they don't get into any gunfights, they just sit on the porch and talk alot of smack. And from across the street, I hear this. I was like, "MARTEEEEEEN!" Behind me, I hear, "Oralé!" [Looks behind] "Hey, what's up guys, hows it going?" "How did you get in there, essé?" [Gives an embarassed/angered look] "HURRY UP, MARTIN!" 2 months later, I come back to pick him up and I've had some time to work on the car. I put some rims on it, some stickers on it, I put a chip in the motor that makes it go faster, right? I thought I was bad, right? So I pull up, [Imitates car driving, tires screeching, and the moter reving] "MARTEEEEEN!" [Gesturing to the voice behind him] "Oralé!" [Gabriel shakes his head] Uh uh, I'm not turning around. "HEY!" Mmm-mm. "Hey!" I don't see you! "Yoo-hoo!" [Growls and turns around] WHAT?! "Check it out, it's the Fat and the Furious!"

 

Gabriel Iglesias

 

My teacher Stefan Wolpe was a Marxist and he felt my music was too esoteric at the time. And he had his studio on a proletarian street, on Fourteenth Street and Sixth Avenue. . . . He was on the second floor and we were looking out the window, and he said, "What about the man on the street?" At that moment . . . Jackson Pollock was crossing the street.

 

Morton Feldman

 

In societies with fewer opportunities for amusement, it was also easier to tell a mere wish from a real desire. If, in order to hear some music, a man has to wait for six months and then walk twenty miles, it is easy to tell whether the words, "I should like to hear some music," mean what they appear to mean, or merely, "At this moment I should like to forget myself." When all he has to do is press a switch, it is more difficult. He may easily come to believe that wishes can come true.

 

Wystan Hugh Auden