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Toby Kebbell: "She's gorgeous. A lovely, stunning woman."

 

Madonna

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On the bus going home I heard a most fascinating conversation between an old man and woman. "What a thing, though," the old woman said. "You'd hardly credit it." "She's always made a fuss of the whole family, but never me," the old man said. "Does she have a fire when the young people go to see her?" "Fire?" "She won't get people seeing her without warmth." "I know why she's doing it. Don't think I don't," the old man said. "My sister she said to me, 'I wish I had your easy life.' Now that upset me. I was upset by the way she phrased herself. 'Don't talk to me like that,' I said. 'I've only got to get on the phone and ring a certain number,' I said, 'to have you stopped.'" "Yes," the old woman said, "And you can, can't you?" "Were they always the same?" she said. "When you was a child? Can you throw yourself back? How was they years ago?" "The same," the old man said. "Wicked, isn't it?" the old woman said. "Take care, now" she said, as the old man left her. He didn't say a word but got off the bus looking disgruntled.

 

Joe Orton

 

"I am the funniest woman that you've ever known.
I am the dullest woman that you've ever known.
I'm the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known and you've never met anyone
Who is as everything as I am sometimes."

 

Alanis Morissette

 

My first marriage ended in divorce because my wife thought that I had cheated on her...and I did, and I'll tell you why. When you enter into a monogamous relationship with someone you agree to not have sex with anyone else, ever—for-f**kin'-ever—but...when that person decides they're not going to have sex altogether, you find yourself in quite a pickle. I was doing a show in Columbus, Ohio, and I haven't gotten laid in 3 months. 3 MONTHS! You can't go 3 months without having sex with me. I'll go have sex with somebody else. I know, I've seen me do it. After the show, this gorgeous woman comes up to me, about mid-30's, long black dress, slit up to her waist, GORGEOUS. And she says to me, "I thought you were funny, I would like to buy you a drink." I was like, "Naw, I can't do that, I'm married." And she says, "I didn't ask if you wanted to f**k, big boy. I asked if you would like to come have a drink at my place."...Alright. Now, you know of that little guy that stands on your shoulder and reminds you of your prior commitments and moral fortitude? Well, I didn't hear a peep out of that guy. He hadn't been laid in 3 months, either. He was quiet for about 30 minutes then he went, "Suck her titty!" I'm like, "I was gonna!" I was having a 3-way with my conscience. 10 minutes after, he was right back at his post, saying, "That was wrong, mister!" I was like, "Hey! 15 minutes ago, you were beating off on my shoulder, monkey boy!" I hate him. He smokes pot. He burned a hole in my other jacket.

 

Ron White

 

"I see you are looking at my feet," he said to her when car was in motion.
"I beg your pardon?" said the woman.
"I said I see you're looking at my feet".
"I beg your pardon. I happened to be looking at the floor," said the woman, and faced the doors of the car.
"If you want to look at my feet, say so," said the young man. "But don't be a God-damned sneak about it."
"Let me out here, please," the woman said quickly to the girl operating the car.
The car doors opened and the woman got out without looking back.
"I have two normal feet and I can't see the slightest God-damned reason why anybody should stare at them," said the young man.

 

J. D. Salinger