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"I think I have a dick in my brain. I don't need to have one between my legs."
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"I was born my mother's son, but I will die my sister's brother. I no longer balk at the truth, because when all is said and done and written, I am truly proud that Madonna is my sister and always will be."
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"It was f**king endless. Every time we went to his goddamn house in Malibu, from the moment we arrived until the moment we left: 'Marry me, just marry me.' And she [Madonna] was like, 'Hahaha.' He was endless." (on David Geffen constantly asking Madonna to marry him)
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"I can understand that the whole world is interested in my wife. That's even why I married her."
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"We are not that flash, me or the missus. In fact, we are quite low-maintenance."
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"We [he and Madonna] don’t watch telly. We listen to music and watch films, write a bit and read a lot."
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"Funnily enough, we took out the bits that my wife recommended we take out the first time she saw it." (About his film, Revolver)
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"It works because, first, I love her. That helps in a marriage. I actually like her, which is even more rare in a marriage." (About being married to Madonna)
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Interviewer: "who’s in charge at home?" Guy Ritchie: "I’ve got to tell you, we’re just like any other married couple." Interviewer: "So she’s in charge?" Guy Ritchie: "Yes!"
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"She is brilliant and brilliant at what she does."
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"She's a manifester, if there ever was one. First-rate manifester. Madonna makes things happen. Put Madonna up against any twenty-three-year-old, she'll outwork them, outdance them, outperform them. The woman is broad."

 

Madonna Ciccone

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This presidential race is the biggest dick contest in history. "Your dick is indecisive!" "Your dick started an unnecessary war!" "Your dick didn't get injured enough in Vietnam!" "Your dick didn't even go to Vietnam!" "Your dick is soft on terrorism!" "Your dick started terrorism!" "Your dick blamed Vietnam vets for atrocities that made all vets unable to come home to a hero's welcome." "Your dick forged its way out of military service!" Has this kind of dick-waggling happened before outside of a pro-wrestling context?

 

Margaret Cho

 

[Rock Hudson] was on his deathbed, going, "It was that last f**king dick... god DAMN it, why did I suck it, WHY DID I SUCK IT!?!? I was ahead of the game, Mister! Million of dicks, never had a problem before--dick, dick, dick, suck, suck, suck; dick, dick, dick, suck, suck, suck. Never had a problem--IT WAS THAT LAST GODDAMN DICK!!!"

 

Sam Kinison