I don't come out on film. I get the red eye. Blokes like that: [imitates knocking someone out] "You f**kin' will in a minute, ya twat!"
Lee Evans
All blokes get to that stage when they get bigger than their dad, like fourteen/fifteen, and he can't hit you no more. And he's, like, "Go to your room!" And you're, like, [high-pitched voice] "Nah! F**king nah, Dad! [imitates smoking] Things are gonna change around 'ere." Now he didn't hit me, but it took a team of surgeons to remove that fag from my arse.
Lee Evans
Three blokes go into a pub. Well, I say three; could be four or five. Could be nine or ten, doesn't matter. Could have been fifteen, twenty - fifty. Round it up. Hundred. Let's go mad, eh - two-fifty. Tell you what, double it up - five hundred. Thousand! Oh, I've gone mad! Two thousand! Five thousand! (adopting auctioneer persona) Anyone? Five thousand, six thou, six thousand, ten thousand! Small town in Hertfordshire goes into a pub! Fifteen thousand blokes! Alright, let's go - population of Rotterdam. The Hague. Whole of Northern Holland. Mainland U.K. Let's go all the way to the top - Europe, alright? Whole of Europe goes - I say Europe. Could be Eurasia. Not the band, obviously, that's just two of them. Alright, continents - North America! Plus South America! Plus Antartica - that's just eight blokes in a weather station. Not a good example. Alright, make it a lot simpler, all the blokes on the planet go into the pub, right? And the first bloke goes up to the bar and he says "I'll get these in." What an idiot!
Bill Bailey
The great Norwegian playwright, Henrik Ibsen, wrote, "One of these days, the younger generation will come knocking at my door." The future is knocking at our door right now. Make no mistake, the next generation will ask us one of two questions. Either they will ask: "What were you thinking; why didn't you act?" Or they will ask instead: "How did you find the moral courage to rise and successfully resolve a crisis that so many said was impossible to solve?"
Al Gore
Evans, Lee
Evans, Robert
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