Yquotes.com

 

"Hey, who wants to hear the stories about my ruptured ovarian cysts? Do you? It's great. It is a story that has been passed down from generation to generation and we love it. So here's the story. I was looping a film, and I sneezed, and passed out. They thought I had appendicitis so they took me to the hospital, but as it turns out, I had ruptured a series of ovarian cysts that unbeknownst to me were residing in my area, and as you know if you've seen me work before I still have the 'don't ask don't tell' policy with my vagina. I don't bother it. It- She. She minds her own beeswax. I stay up here. She doesn't sass me. You know no back talk. None of that. She's not flippant at all with me. So we had to find out about my cyst by having a very thorough exam by the gynecologist. Again, another cure for hubris if you're suffering from that. Whilst he's down there, he peers up from between my knees and goes 'you know my wife and I... LOVE you on The Larry Sanders Show!' And I was like 'That is so great and now I think you can enjoy it on a whole 'nother level, you and your wife!' And with that I left the office, and the thing is is that I've noticed is that I get recognized rarely but only at inconvenient times when it would be not good to be recognized. There is- uhm.. Whenever I'm coming out of a public restroom. Usually Starbucks, go figure. I don't know why but inevitably someone will be like a fan out of the restroom but let me say this and you know I don't like to work blue and this next theory is not for the squeamish but let me just say this. I'll put it this way. The person who was in the bathroom prior to me? Let's say, compromised the integrity of the room? Shall we say? Kind of had their way with the bowl. And hey man I know the stall she is a harsh mistress sometimes. I know that. I'm no stranger to the fight but, it's not me! You know? And so it's like the person ahead of me who shows no respect and, I'll come out and the person's about to go in and I'm just like 'aw man.' Because you know they're gonna say, 'I saw the girl I don't know what her name is but that girl, she stinks!' "
--
self-titled TV comedy special, 1997

 

Janeane Garofalo

» Janeane Garofalo - all quotes »

Similar quotes

 

At 1200 hours I was working a plain-clothes detail involving lewd conduct in the main men's public restroom of the Northstar Crossing of the Linburgh terminal. From my seated position, I could observe the shoes and ankles of a person seated to the right of me. An unidentified person entered to the left of me. From my seated position, I was able to see his shoes and ankles. At 1213 hours, I could see an older, white male with grey hair standing outside my stall. He was standing about three feet away and had a roller bag with him. The male was later identified by driver's license as Larry Edwin Craig. I could see Craig look through the crack in the door from his position. Craig would look down at his hands, fidget with his fingers, and then look through the crack into my stall again. Craig would repeat this cycle for about two minutes. I was able to see Craig's blue eyes as he looked into my stall. At 1215 hours, the male in the stall to the left of me flushed the toilet and exited the stall. Craig entered the stall and placed his roller bag against the front of the stall door. My experiences show that individuals engaging in lewd conduct use their bags to block the view from the front of their stall. From my position I could observe the shoes and ankles of Craig seated to the left of me. He was wearing dress pants with black dress shoes. At 1216 hours, Craig tapped his right foot. I recognized this as a signal used by persons wishing to engage in lewd conduct. Craig tapped his toes several times, then moved his foot closer to my foot. I moved my foot up and down slowly. While this was occurring, the male in the stall to my right was still present. I could hear several unknown persons in the restroom that appeared to use the restroom for its intended use. The presence of others did not seem to deter Craig, as he moved his right foot so that it touched side of my left foot, which was within my stall area. At 1217 hours, I saw Craig swipe his hand under the stall divider for a few seconds. The swipe went in the direction from the front-door side of the stall back towards the back wall. Craig swiped his hand again for a few seconds in the same motion to where I could see more of his fingers. Craig then swiped his hand in the same motion a third time for a few seconds. I could see that it was Craig's left hand, due to the position of his thumb. I could also see Craig had a gold ring on his ring finger, as his hand was on my side of the stall divider. At about 1219 hours, I held my police identification in my right hand down by the floor so that Craig could see it. With my left hand near the floor, I pointed towards the exit. Craig responded, "No." I again pointed towards the exit. Craig exited the stall with his roller bags without flushing the toilet. Craig handed me a business card that identified himself as a United States Senator, as he stated, "What do you think about that?" I responded by setting his business card down on the table and again asking him for his driver's license. In a recorded, post-Miranda interview, Craig stated the following: He is a commuter. He went into the bathroom. He was standing outside the stalls for one to two minutes waiting for the stall. He has a wide stance when he goes to the bathroom, and that is why it may have touched mine.

 

Larry Craig

 

I wanted to be a movie star. But movie stars are not what they used to be. When I was a kid, I thought movie stars were women and men who were in these great films that we still look at now...And people my age don't even know who those people are. I can't even have a conversation with most people of my generation about that, because they'd be like, "Okay, she's a freak..." And the worst part is, in terms of what people see of me, I have become this girl who just loves to be photographed, doesn't know how to focus, doesn't know how to work on set, just loves the attention, knows how to go out at night, knows how to party. And you know what? I was 20 years old. I never went to college. And I lived maybe six months out of my life like that, doing something wrong, and then I stopped. God forbid I should have ever learned my lesson. But at this point it's so hard for people to even believe that there was a lesson to be learned at all, because they just think I'm wrong. All these people think I'm never going to be right, because it's more interesting to fabricate this other girl. Who wants to read a tabloid story about a girl who is doing well?

 

Lindsay Lohan

 

I think if I were to list the things that I asked not to be done, most of them happened tonight. So Larry did it and of course when he had helped and when they (Larry and John’s wife) double teamed me like that it’s difficult. Now that it’s over, it was great. It’s kind of like a hard work out. It was fun to see the faces of my teammates out there, some past, some present. It was have fun to have Jerry (Sloan) come up on the stage and Larry (Miller) and so many others. It was very touching and I thought Nada (John’s wife) did a great job and that was also very touching and I was impressed – so it was a good night.

 

John Stockton

 

"Come Clean" is obviously about a boy and a girl's relationship and it's just talking about how somebody thinks they're in the dark. She's tired of it and he's tired of it and they're coming clean, whether it means they're gonna be together or not. They're laying all the cards out on the table and coming out with everything that hasn't been said basically. The video really shows that she's kind of in this monotone mood throughout the whole thing. She doesn't show too much emotion except that she's waiting for this boy, this guy, to come. You can't tell when they're running toward each other if they're gonna kiss or they're gonna hug or they're gonna hit each other. It's a bunch of different emotions.

 

Hilary Duff