Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!"
Emo Philips
Howbeit, though no scholar, I am not one of those who misuse the English speech, and, being foolishly led by the hasty custom of scriveners and printers to write the letters "T" and "H" joined together, which resembleth a "Y," do incontinently jump to the conclusion the THE is pronounced "Ye,"--the like of which I never heard in all England.
Bret Harte
When a reviewer says that Malamud is second only to Bellow, it means he really isn't thinking about either of them. When he's reading Malamud he's thinking about Bellow, and when he's reading Bellow he's thinking about Roth. This is the essence of the ratings game: distraction. Children play it all the time. "Is this the biggest bridge in the world?" "No, it's the third biggest." "Oh." They lose all interest in the bridge.
Wilfrid Sheed
I am where I am because of the bridges that I crossed. Sojourner Truth was a bridge. Harriet Tubman was a bridge. Ida B. Wells was a bridge. Madam C. J. Walker was a bridge. Fannie Lou Hamer was a bridge.
Harriet Tubman
My hotel doesn't have a 13th Floor because of superstition, but c'mon man...people on the 14th Floor, you know what Floor you're really on. "What room are you in?" "14.01". "No, you're not. Jump out of window, you'll die earlier!".
Mitch Hedberg
Nothing more racist than a old black man, you know why? 'Cause the old black man went through some real racism. He ain't go through that "I can't get a cab" shit. He was the cab! White man just jump on his back: "Main Street!"
Chris Rock
Philips, Emo
Philips, John
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