Don't you hate when people are late to work. And they always have the worst excuses. "Oh, I'm sorry I'm late, traffic." "Traffic, huh? How do you think I got here; helicoptered in!?"
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Here and NowEllen DeGeneres
» Ellen DeGeneres - all quotes »
"There's nothing ironic about being stuck in a traffic jam when you're late for something. [pause] Unless you're a town planner. If you were a town planner... and you were late for a seminar of town planners at which you were giving a talk on how you solved the problem of traffic congestion in your area, and couldn't get to it because you got stuck in a traffic jam, that'd be well ironic! [mimicking a town planner] 'I'm sorry, lads, you'll never guess!'"
Alanis Morissette
And traffic! Traffic's a nightmare! That's how people describe it, a nightmare. Has anyone had this nightmare? "AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!" "What is it, darling? Are you all right?" "No, I'm not all right at all!" "What was it?" "TRAFFIC!!!"
Michael McIntyre
A few weeks ago, sitting in traffic -- bumper-to-bumper traffic in Atlanta -- the car in front of me has got a bumper sticker that says "Honk if you love Jesus". I toot the horn a couple times, and the guy flipped me off.
Jeff Foxworthy
"A picnic? It's a little late for Central Park, don't you think? It's full of-"
He waved a hand. "Faeries. I know."
"I was going to say muggers," said Clary. "Though I pity the mugger who goes after you."Cassandra Clare
DeGeneres, Ellen
Dehghani, Ashraf
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