In sports, Vijay Singh wins the Masters golf tournament and is awarded the coveted green jacket, which is quickly snatched away by angry Buick executives and given to Tiger Woods.
Dave Barry
"I drove a golf ball 572 yards. Longest drive ever. I remember one time I was at Augusta, the guys were getting ready for the Masters. Tiger Woods, walking out to hit a bucket of balls. I looked at him and I said, 'Man, that's all you ever do is practice. Practice, practice, practice.' Tiger looked at me and he goes, 'Well if I had your talent, Nash, I wouldn't have to practice so much.'"
Kevin Nash
Three months later, on September 5, 2001, at a pro-am event preceding the Canadian Open at the Royal Montreal Golf Club, I was invited to play a round with Tiger Woods. Nothing in the game of politics had ever been as nerve-racking as that game of golf.
Jean Chretien
In sports, the U.S. Open is not actually held because it's more efficient just to mail the check to Tiger Woods.
Dave Barry
Tiger Woods is kidnapped by rival golfers, sedated, handcuffed, placed in a straitjacket, wrapped in chains, and locked inside a trunk, which is then weighted with concrete blocks and dropped into the deepest part of the Pacific Ocean. He easily wins the PGA Championship.
Dave Barry
It's actually quite difficult to stay awake while watch golf on television. It's a great sleep inducer. I think this is why the commentators in golf whisper. They don't want to wake you up. 'Looks like Tiger has about a twenty foot putt, and while he's lining it up I'll take this opportunity to sing "Rock-a-Bye baby,...".
Jeff Stilson
Barry, Dave
Barry, Marion
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