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For a time we wondered why our real father didn't come and rescue us, but we had long since accepted our fate by the time we finally met him.
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Clarence Thomas

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Today I'm very proud of myself, because I've accomplished something that nobody else has been able to accomplish. I was just informed, while on the helicopter, that our president has finally released a birth certificate. I want to look at it, but I hope it's true, so that we can get on to much more important matters, so the press can stop asking me questions. He should have done it a long time ago. Why he didn't do it when the Clintons asked for it, why he didn't do it when everyone else was asking for it, I don't know. But I am really honored, frankly, to have played such a big role in hopefully, hopefully getting rid of this issue. Now, we have to look at it, we have to see, is it real? Is it proper? What's on it? But I hope it checks out beautifully. I am really proud, I am really honored.

 

Donald Trump

 

This is going to be a very expensive war, and Victory is not guaranteed — for anyone, and certainly not for anyone as baffled as George W. Bush. All he knows is that his father started the war a long time ago, and that he, the goofy child-President, has been chosen by Fate and the global Oil industry to finish it. Now.

 

Hunter S. Thompson

 

I know this is not a very popular idea. You don't hear it too often any more … but it's the truth. I have taken drugs before and … I had a real good time. Sorry. Didn't murder anybody, didn't rape anybody, didn't rob anybody, didn't beat anybody, didn't lose – hmm – one f**king job, laughed my ass off, and went about my day. Sorry. Now, where's my commercial?

 

Bill Hicks

 

I am an atheist, out and out. It took me a long time to say it. I've been an atheist for years and years, but somehow I felt it was intellectually unrespectable to say one was an atheist, because it assumed knowledge that one didn't have. Somehow, it was better to say one was a humanist or an agnostic. I finally decided that I'm a creature of emotion as well as of reason. Emotionally, I am an atheist. I don't have the evidence to prove that God doesn't exist, but I so strongly suspect he doesn't that I don't want to waste my time.

 

Isaac Asimov

 

It was nerve-racking to begin with but once I started and the audience accepted it I relaxed. It has been surreal. I didn’t realise this would be the reaction I just got on with it. I can hardly remember what happened. I had my eyes closed most of the time. It really didn’t dawn on me what was happening.
I did it all for my late mum. I wanted to show I could do something with my life.

 

Susan Boyle