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Christopher Titus

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[talking about a Christmas fight in which he locked his girlfriend out of the house]
When all of the sudden there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the couch to see what was a matter.
I went to the window and tore open the blinds,
And there was my girlfriend, quite out of her mind!
And I was just standing there, heart pounding with fear,
She was bangin' on the glass door with a vodka bottle…filled just 'bout to here.
And I knew the window couldn't take it.
She said, "Open the door, you bastard, or I'll f**king break it!"
Well, I couldn't do that; 'twas my father's place.
So I opened the door, and she cracked me in the face!
And I summoned my manhood from bottom to top,
And I screamed like a little girl…"I'M CALLING THE COPS!"

 
Christopher Titus

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