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Tony Martin (comedian)

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Dogs, now they're the real arse bandits!
--
Get This - Radio Show 2006 Triple M Australia. (show discontinued)

 
Tony Martin (comedian)

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"Every national border in Europe," El Eswad added ironically, "marks the place where two gangs of bandits got too exhausted to kill each other anymore and signed a treaty. Patriotism is the delusion that one of these gangs of bandits is better than all the others."

 
Robert Anton Wilson
 

I'm gonna try telling you this story. This happened on Tuesday. I was riding in a car with two dogs and my wife, and the wife said, "I need to stop at the bank," and I said, "Shit," or whatever the hell I said, because I don't like going to the bank, everybody knows that, I stay in the car with the dogs. My wife said, "I'll be back in 5 minutes," but there's no such thing as 5 minutes with this woman. And my dogs need to pee, and at our bank there's one piece of manicured lawn on the property, with two signs that both say "No Dogs", so I take my dogs over there. A guy comes out with a big scowl on his face and he says, "The sign says no dogs!" I'm like, "Well, the sign's wrong. It should say, 'two dogs'."

 
Ron White
 

He told them it was only dogs that bark and go for strange dogs, and men set on a dog because it suits them to show that they are still masters, but if the dogs weren't dumb animals they would come to an agreements with each other and start barking at them.

 
Cesare Pavese
 

‘Ass’ for ‘arse’ does not seem to represent a willingness, on British lines, to make the word arhotic; rather it is a puritanical substitution which forces a real ass to become a donkey or burro.

 
Anthony Burgess
 

"DOGS, KIDDIE PORN & STAR TREK: (Hey, that’s a good book title). Unfortunately, I was out with Cosmo when the conversation got interesting around here. First of all, while I think it is wrong to judge dogs by human political categories they most certainly aren’t liberals. Dogs may try to run your life, but they do not much care about running the lives of people they’ve never met. And still, they are willing to judge others -- and admit it. They are morally pragmatic, loyal and willing to share with family while outraged or flummoxed by the idea of taxation for the benefit of people or dogs they don’t know. They firmly believe in sexual harassment as a modus vivendi. They believe nature is a tool. They are not vegetarians and reject animal rights. They chuff at egalitarianism. In short, I think they are Monarchists; they believe in something very close to a Great Chain of Being with humans and dogs at the top (and, even at the top humans and dogs have different ranks)." ()

 
Jonah Goldberg
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