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Thomas Moore

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"Come, come," said Tom's father, "at
  your time of life,
There's no longer excuse for thus
  playing the rake--
It is time you should think, boy, of
  taking a wife."
"Why, so it is father--whose wife
  shall I take?"
--
A Joke Versified

 
Thomas Moore

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Sometimes the little boy who calls me father brings me an invitation from his mother: "I shall be so pleased if you will come and see me," and I always reply in some such words as these: "Dear madam, I decline." And if David asks why I decline, I explain that it is because I have no desire to meet the woman.
"Come this time, father," he urged lately, "for it is her birthday, and she is twenty-six," which is so great an age to David, that I think he fears she cannot last much longer.

 
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"Pray, my dear," quoth my mother, "have you not forgot to wind up the clock?" — "Good G—!" cried my father, making an exclamation, but taking care to moderate his voice at the same time, — "Did ever woman, since the creation of the world, interrupt a man with such a silly question?"

 
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"Christmas won't be Christmas without any presents," grumbled Jo, lying on the rug.
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"We've got Father and Mother, and each other," said Beth contentedly from her corner.
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That he heard the Prophet saying, "It is not permissible for a man to be alone with a woman, and no lady should travel except with a Muhram (i.e. her husband or a person whom she cannot marry in any case for ever; e.g. her father, brother, etc.)." Then a man got up and said, "O Allah's Apostle! I have enlisted in the army for such-and-such Ghazwa and my wife is proceeding for Hajj." Allah's Apostle said, "Go, and perform the Hajj with your wife."

 
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"Well, Nasreddin. I know you lose your only donkey. Life may be difficult without it. But, don't be too sad brother," the man tried to cheer him up.
"Do I look sad?"
"Yes, you look very sad. You looked much sadder than you did when your wife died." [...]
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Nasreddin
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