A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, "Man, I wish I had your willpower."
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p. 15Rodney Dangerfield (born Jacob Cohen)
» Rodney Dangerfield (born Jacob Cohen) - all quotes »
I married a woman who loves to camp and I am what you would call indoorsy. I'm surprised we can still get people to camp. "Hey, wanna burn a couple of vacation days sleeping on the ground outside?" "Uh, No!" "What if I told you to get the crap standing up in the woods?" "I still wouldn't wanna go." "You'll wake up freezing covered in a rash." "... All right, I'll go."
Jim Gaffigan
Chic Murray once told me he fell in the street, and a woman said to him, "Did you fall?" He said, "No, I'm tryin' to break a bar of chocolate in my back pocket."
Billy Connolly
Dangerfield, Rodney (born Jacob Cohen)
Daniel, Samuel
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