Tuesday, October 17, 2017 Text is available under the CC BY-SA 3.0 licence.

Sarah Silverman


Jewish-American actress, stand-up comedian, writer, singer and musician.
Sarah Silverman
On the law that requires women to wait twenty-four hours before they are permitted to have an abortion: I think it's a good law. The other day I wanted to go get an abortion. I really wanted an abortion, but then I thought about it and it turned out I was just thirsty.
Silverman quotes
I love you more than bears love honey,
I love you more than Jews love money,
I love you more than Asians are good at math.
I love you even if it's not hip,
I love you more than black guys don't tip,
I love you like Puerto Ricans need baths.
Silverman
I buy water at the liquor store across the street from where I live. So I'm walking into the door, and standing, loitering, outside the door is a man. And I walk by him to go in, and he says, [in a gruff male voice] "I want pussy!" Now, I don't want to seem conceited or anything, but [flattered smile] he was talking about me!




Silverman Sarah quotes
This song brings me back I was brutally raped to this song.
Silverman Sarah
I don't care if you think I'm racist. I just want you to think I'm thin.
Sarah Silverman quotes
I'm so glad Courtney Love is here; I left my crack in my other purse.
Sarah Silverman
Wow! She is amazing. She is 25 years old and she's already accomplished everything she's going to accomplish in her life. It's mind blowing have you seen Britney's kids? Oh my god, they are the most adorable mistakes you will ever see! They are as cute as the hairless vagina they came out of!
Silverman Sarah quotes
The writers of "Sanford and Son" were so brave in bringing their program to television. I mean, working with all those black people!
Silverman
I got jury duty and I didn't want to go, so my friend said, "You should write something really really racist on the form when you return it. Like, you should put 'I hate chinks'." And I said, "I'm not going to put that on there just to get out of jury duty. I don't want people to think that about me." So instead I wrote, "I love chinks." And who doesn't?
Silverman Sarah
People who call themselves divas...you are not a diva. I'm pretty sure you're a cunt.
Sarah Silverman
Also, I learned whether you are gay, bisexual, it doesn't matter, you know because, at the end of the day, they're both gross. But mostly, I learned that elderly black women are wise beyond their years but younger black women are prostitutes.




Sarah Silverman quotes
I'll be back. I'll be black. I'll be white black.
Sarah Silverman
I don't believe in Jesus or God. But I do believe that fundamentalists in religion or anything else are bad, and that they have more hate than love. Jesus' words have become so perverted over time it's been like a game of telephone. If he existed, Jesus would fuckin' kill himself.
Silverman quotes
You look like my friend Debbie. That's really weird do you get that a lot? It's sad, though, 'cause you know, we're not really friends anymore. But, uh, it's not your fault. Seriously, it was 'cause she's, um not "born again Christian" oh! "pathological liar."
Silverman Sarah
People are always introducing me as "Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedienne." I hate that! I wish people would see me for who I really am I'm white!
Silverman Sarah quotes
I saw my father's penis once. But it was okay, because I was soooo young and sooo drunk.
Sarah Silverman
I learned that people in wheelchairs are allowed to have marathons which, to me, seems like cheating, but what are you gonna say?
Sarah Silverman quotes
I commend you on all you've done for PETA, wrestling the one-eyed trouser snake with your bare hands, gently cuddling it in your arms, and nurturing it back to health.
Sarah Silverman
A couple nights ago, I was licking jelly off my boyfriend's penis. And I thought, "Oh my God I'm turning into my mother!"
Silverman Sarah
I was raped by a doctor which is so bittersweet for a Jewish girl.


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