Monday, June 26, 2017 Text is available under the CC BY-SA 3.0 licence.

Mike Warnke


Christian evangelist and comedian who became one of evangelical Christianity's best-known experts on the subject of Satanism until an investigation by Cornerstone magazine revealed his testimony of having been a reformed ex-Satanist was a hoax.
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Mike Warnke
Pregnant women got someone else in there hangin' from their ribcage goin' "We got to go now."
Warnke quotes
Christians don't gossip, they "share"; and when they really get mean, they "share in love". If a Christian comes up to you and says, "I'm going to share this with you in love", watch out.
Warnke
Now, after the concert, y'all are going to want to pig out. But you don't want to say you're going to go pig out. So one of you is come up to the other and say, "How about a little fellowship?"




Warnke Mike quotes
Christians have their own language.
Warnke Mike
Someone says, "Don't you think that Jesus is a crutch?" Well, maybe he is, but when you're crippled, that's not too bad. Some one else say, "Don't you think you're rather closed-minded?" I say, "Yeah, but I can afford to be, I'm right."
Mike Warnke quotes
And silence ... is loud! And I'd be straining real hard to hear what those two boys were saying. And finally, just when they figured I had my ear right against the window, one of those ol' boys would turn to the other and say "Did you know that Jesus died for your sins?" And the other one would say "Why no, tell me about it!"
Mike Warnke
....People think that when you get saved, you're crazy. Did you ever wonder why? What would you think if you were standing beside the road and you saw the local Baptist church go by in pieces? Would you think they had all their marbles, huh? Would you think they had both oars in the water, huh? Huh? Wouldn't you think that maybe their porchlight was out?
Warnke Mike quotes
...So I wasn't death to this guy, I was just a one-way ticket home. Now I don't know if you've ever stuck a .38 in somebody's navel, but if they look at you and say "Praise the Lord," I guarantee you one thing, it'll separate your head from your shoulders!
Warnke
Maybe you don't like some of the things I've said tonight, that's ok. Maybe you don't like me. I could care less. Especially you Christians, you don't gotta like me, you gotta love me. See, I'm a member of your family. And you can pick your friends, but you're stuck with your relatives!
Warnke Mike
Don't ever get between a pregnant woman and the bathroom door; it don't matter if the sister's saved, she'll hurt you in Jesus' name! She'll be saying <nowiki'</nowiki>I pray for you in a minute.'
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