Sunday, July 23, 2017 Text is available under the CC BY-SA 3.0 licence.

Dave Chappelle


American comedian, best known for his hit T V show, Chappelle's Show.
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Dave Chappelle
Like, see, I'd never vote for George Bush Junior, but I don't know anything about his politics. All I know about that George Bush Junior is that that guy sniffed cocaine. That's right. Now, listen, we can't have that shit in the White House. That may be fine for a mayor; but goddammit, not the White House! The stakes are too high. He'd be sellin' nuclear secrets for 20 or 30 dollars and shit.
Chappelle quotes
All I gotta say about Elian is, thank God he's Cuban. 'Cause if he had been Haitian, you'd have never heard about his ass. If Elian Gonzalez was Elian Mumoombo from Haiti, they'd have pushed that little rubber tube back into the water. "Sorry, fella. All full."
Chappelle
The worst thing to call somebody is "crazy". It's dismissive. I don't understand this person, so they're crazy. That's bullshit! People are not crazy. They are strong people...Maybe the environment is a little sick.




Chappelle Dave quotes
The girl says "Oh uh-uh, wait a minute! Wait a minute! Just because I'm dressed this way does not make me a whore!" Which is true. Gentlemen, that is true. Just because they dress a certain way doesn't mean they are a certain way. Don't ever forget it. But ladies, you must understand that is fucking confusing. It just is. Now that would be like me, Dave Chappelle, the comedian, walking down the street in a cop uniform. Somebody might run up on me, saying, "Oh, thank God. Officer, help us! Come on. They're over here. Help us!" "Oh-hoh! Just because I'm dressed this way does not make me a police officer!" See what I mean? All right, ladies, fine. You are not a whore. But you are wearing a whore's uniform.
Chappelle Dave
Chivalry died when women started readin' the shit in all them magazines. They got too much advice about men from other women. And they don't know what the fuck they're talkin' about. I see them in the grocery store, says on the cover "100 Ways to Please Your Man" by some lady. Come on, man. Ain't no 100 ways. That list is four things long. Just suck his dick, play with his balls,fix him a sandwich, and don't talk so much and he'll be happy!
Dave Chappelle quotes
The mark of greatness is when everything before you is obsolete, and everything after you bears your mark.
Dave Chappelle
Never in a million years will you hear somebody on the radio say "I'm up for runnin' up on them crackers in city hall."
Chappelle Dave quotes
Have you ever watched, like, a cartoon that you used to watch when you were little, as an adult? I was sittin' there with my nephew. I turned it on Sesame Street. And I was, like, "Oh, good. Sesame Street. Now he'll learn how to count and spell." But now I'm watching it as an adult and I realize that Sesame Street teaches kids other things. It teaches kids how to judge people and label people. That's right. They got this one character named Oscar. They treat this guy like shit the entire show. They judge him right to his face. "Oscar, you are so mean. Isn't he, kids?" "Yeah. Oscar, you're a grouch!" He's, like, "Bitch, I live in a fucking trash can! I'm the poorest motherfucker on Sesame Street. Nobody's helping me." Now you wonder why your kids grow up and step over homeless people, like, "Get it together, grouch. Get a job, grouch."
Chappelle
You can't get un-famous. You can get infamous, but you can't get un-famous.
Chappelle Dave
Just cuz I eat Chicken and Watermelon they think that somethingís wrong with me. Let me tell you somethin if you donít like chicken and watermelon, something is wrong with you, there is something wrong with you! Where are all these people who don't like Chicken and Watermelon? I'm sick of hearing about how bad it is, it's great! I'm waiting for Chicken to approach me to do a commercial nigga, I'll do it for free Chicken! It's the least I can do.
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