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"...then I woke up with my pants unbuttoned." (from "Dental Malpractice")

 

Jerky Boys

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In the bathtub. My dad came in and said, "Guess who they want to play Harry Potter?" I think I said the name of another actor, because I was sure it wasn't me. Then he said, "No, it's you," and I started to cry with joy. That night, I woke up at 2 in the morning and woke up mom and dad and asked, "Am I dreaming? Will I really play Harry Potter?"

 

Daniel Radcliffe

 

He said "I'll punch your head!" I said "Whose?" He said "Yours!"
I said "Mine?" He said "Yes!" I said "Oh?"
He said "Want a fight?" I said "Who?" He said "You!"
I said "Me?" He said "Yes!" I said "No!"
So we then came to words, he said "You're a cad!"
I said "Cad?" He said "Yes!" I said "Who?"
He said "Who?" I said "Yes." He said "You!" I said "Oh!"
So of course then I knew.

 

Robb Wilton

 

"And he's got this silly looking Santa hat on, next thing he's down at my pants. He's trying to pull the f**kin', the balls outta my pants!" (from "Santa's Delivery")

 

Jerky Boys

 

The Pythagoreans called the monad "intellect" because they thought that intellect was akin to the One; for among the virtues, they likened the monad to moral wisdom; for what is correct is one. And they called it "being," "cause of truth," "simple," "paradigm," "order," "concord," "what is equal among the greater and the lesser," "the mean between intensity and slackness," "moderation in plurality," "the instant now in time," and moreover they call it "ship," "chariot," "friend," "life," "happiness."

 

Iamblichus of Chalcis

 

"God is an iron," I said. "Did you know that?"
I turned to look at her and she was staring. She laughed experimentally, stopped when I failed to join in. "And I'm a pair of pants with a hole scorched through the ass?"
"If a person who indulges in gluttony is a glutton, and a person who commits a felony is a felon, then God is an iron."

 

Spider Robinson