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Dashiell Hammett

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"Thatís why I donít very often drink, or even smoke. I want to try cocaine, though because thatís suppose to sharpen the brain, isnít it?"
Gilbert Wynant

Dashiell Hammett

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But the reason why the curse works is because all children have brain damage. Now, for those of you without children, let me describe the brain damage. You come into the room with a Coca-cola, you set it down to grab the newspaper. The child comes walking in, picks up the drink, and you say "Give me that! Didn't I tell you not to drink it?" The child says, "Uh-huh." You say, "Tell me what I said." "You said for not for to drink your drink." "Every time I tell you that, don't I? When I have a drink, don't you drink it." "Uh-huh." "Now tell me what I said." "You said for not for to drink your drink!" "That's right!" So you set the drink down, turn to grab the paper, the child picks it up again and quickly starts to drink it! So you say, "Give me that! Didn't I just tell you to..." "Uh-huh." "Then why did you drink it?" "I don't know!"...brain damage!

Bill Cosby

That's what I hate about the war on drugs. All day long we see those commercials: "Here's your brain, here's your brain on drugs", "Just Say No", "Why do you think they call it dope?" Ö And then the next commercial is [singing] "This Bud's for yooouuuu." C'mon, everybody, let's be hypocritical bastards. It's okay to drink your drug. We meant those other drugs. Those untaxed drugs. Those are the ones that are bad for you.

Bill Hicks

God.. crack. Only in America would a guy invent crack. Only in America would there be a guy that cocaine wasn't good enough for. You know? One guy walking around New York City back in 1985 going, "You know, that cocaine's pretty good, but I want something that makes my heart explode as soon as I smoke it, ok? I want to take one suck off that crack pipe and go *snort* *splat* Now I'm happy! I'm dead, the ultimate high!"

Denis Leary

They call it freebasing. It's not free, it costs you your house! It should be called homebasing! Three signs you're addicted to cocaine: First of all, if you come home to your house and you have no furniture and your cat's going "I'm outta here, prick!," Warning! Number two: If you have this dream where you're doing cocaine in your sleep and you can't fall asleep, and you wake up and you're doing cocaine, BINGO! Number three: if on your tax form it says, "$50,000 for snacks," MAYDAY!

Robin Williams

"So here we are in merry old England. CM Punk, Straightedge Wrestling Superstar. And what's the national passtime here in England? Certainly isn't *wrestling*... You think every single person here in this crowd is here to see *wrestling*, but they're not. You see cause there's a bar, right over to my right right here. (To a fan wearing glasses) What are you hear for? Four eyes what are you here for? (Another fan shouts "to drink beer!") To drink beer, EXACTLY. You're here to drink beer. You're a LOSER, and your dad probably beat you when you were a kid... which was probably two weeks ago. (Now facing the camera) He's so drunk he can't even keep the poison in his mouth. You see I believe in three things: No drugs, no alcohol, and no promiscuous sex. See I'm a fine, upstanding individual... and if these fans came to see me, they came to see somebody who's better than them. Now England is known for soccer -- at least that's what we call it in America. You guys call it "football," but I'm here to *wrestle*. Tonight, I'm here to destroy Raven, and I'm here to destroy every single one of Raven's fans. Who's a Raven fan here? No damn sense! None of you have any damn sense! (Crowd starts to chant "al-co-hol! al-co-hol!") DRINK! Keep drinkin'! Keep drinkin I WANT you to die! You smoke too?! Keep smokin'! Drink up, England... I WANT your liver to fail. Smoke up England, I WANT you to die. And here, speaking of death, right here tonight in that very ring - GET A SHOT OF THE RING - tonight, just like I did in America I'm gonna' DOMINATE you, Raven. And your time in FWA will be "nevermore." And you can quote THAT, bitch."

Phil Brooks
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