Even when I was a kid, my imaginary friend would play with the kid across the street. I'd be like, "Hey, so I guess I'll see you later," and he's, like, "Whatever, queer". That's a hate crime!
Daniel Tosh
"I hate you, Jacob Black."
"That's good. Hate is a passionate emotion."
"I'll give you passionate," I muttered under my breath. "Murder, the ultimate crime of passion."Stephenie Meyer
My sister Kwan believes she has yin eyes. She sees those who have died and now dwell in the World of Yin, ghosts who leave the mists just to visit her kitchen on Balboa Street in San Francisco.
"Libby-ah," she'll say to me. "Guess who I see yesterday, you guess." And I don't have to guess that she's talking about someone dead.Amy Tan
This is what my friend said to me; he said, "Guess what I like? Mashed potatoes." It's like,"Dude. you gotta give me time to guess. If you're gonna quiz me, you must insert a pause in there."
Mitch Hedberg
The Pythagoreans called the monad "intellect" because they thought that intellect was akin to the One; for among the virtues, they likened the monad to moral wisdom; for what is correct is one. And they called it "being," "cause of truth," "simple," "paradigm," "order," "concord," "what is equal among the greater and the lesser," "the mean between intensity and slackness," "moderation in plurality," "the instant now in time," and moreover they call it "ship," "chariot," "friend," "life," "happiness."
Iamblichus of Chalcis
I guess you do hate high school. It's "if you're not one" not "your not one." Contractions are something you didn't learn, I guess. If you had paid attention in English class, you would have enjoyed it more. By the way, nice pottymouth. Jack Thompson
Jack Thompson
Tosh, Daniel
Totenberg, Nina
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